Follow My Lead
by semazani
Summary: This is a sequel to my story What Now? Follow Callen and Nell as they learn to heal and move forward with their lives.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes – I hold no rights to the characters of NCIS:LA. **

**This is a sequel to my story What Now. I suppose it is possible to read this one without the background offered in the first story, but I think it will be a struggle to understand some of the underlying issues that will be addressed. **

**I had a couple requests for a sequel but when I completed that story I had no intention of continuing the piece. However, that has apparently changed! I have been tinkering with this notion for the last couple weeks, but wasn't sure I wanted to venture forward. I wanted to write a story that touches on the idea of finding footing in a relationship where one person comes from a not so storybook background in regards to love. Rather than starting from scratch, it seemed to make more sense to build on the one story I have written that meets that criteria! So, here we go!**

**I am really excited to see where this goes. The first chapter turned out to be much longer than I typically write, so I decided to break it up into two parts. As always, please feel free to offer comments and suggestions. I love getting the feedback and it really does help to guide the story in some ways. **

**_Additional note – I am returning to writing! I have not looked at this story (or any of mine) for quite a long time. I spent the afternoon re-reading this and remembered how much I loved the idea! I pulled the original posting of this story and I am replacing it with this one. For those who read the story the first time, it is essentially the same. I tweaked a few sections and corrected some missed errors. I do my own proofreading, so any mistakes are mine. I also broke the original chapter one into two parts. _**

**_Please read and review. Offer suggestions and let me know what seems to be working and what doesn't seem to be working! If you see a variance that does not make sense, please let me know. I promise you that I have made technical errors in past stories and I am always impressed when they are brought to my attention. If I did indeed mess up, then I will personally own up the mistake and congratulate anyone who finds the error!_**

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"It's only been a week, G."He says the words like they offer a valid explanation for everything. Honestly, they should explain everything. A week of relative calm. In between the moments of panic and the nightmares. Moments of normalcy. Easy laughter. Banter and teasing. Moments of reflection. Of learning to trust it's over. He can't hurt her anymore. The hold that had been placed on her all those years is now gone. No reason to fear.

Except she is afraid. It seems more so than when everything was actually happening. She seemed fearless then. The things she did. The way she lured the man out. Put herself on the line. That took more guts than he had ever recalled seeing from anyone. When she burst into the interrogation room and took Kensi's gun. Held it in her hands ready to end his life. Ready to erase him from the planet. To take someone's life. Even if the man deserved it, he knew what that would do to her in the end. Once she realized what she had done.

It was shock. He is aware of that. The majority of her actions during the investigation were due to shock. The way she disconnected. It was a means to an end. A way to survive. He knows that. Everyone knows that. The question is where do they go from here. It's the first time he has left her side since he walked back into the safe house that night.

In the moments that followed her breakdown, Callen struggled to reach her. Struggled to get her to hear him and make her understand just how much he needed her to fight. To let him in. To trust him. And she did let him in. At least a touch. She still has never spoken about Herrold. Told him what happened. He wonders if she ever will. She doesn't flinch when he touches her now. But only if she knows he is there. There have been a couple times where he thought she sensed his presence, but the violent recoil of her body made him realize he had taken her by surprise. Now, he makes sure to let her know he is in the room if she doesn't acknowledge him first.

She spends hours playing the piano. It really does seem to have some sort of cathartic effect on her soul. He never interrupts her when she is playing. Or singing. He just listens. Takes in the words of the songs. The feel of melody. It seems to be the one thing that calms her completely. He fights to not be jealous of the way everything melts away when the music is flowing from her fingertips. No matter how irrational his jealousy is, it just seems unfair that it isn't him that can calm her like that. Which is why he is here. With Sam.

"I know, Sam. I just wish there was more I could do for her." He pulls the cup to his lips and takes a slow sip as he stares out at the people walking around outside the coffee shop.

"What else could you do, G." The look his partner gives him makes the larger man realize just how serious he is. He really doesn't think he is doing enough to help her. "C'mon, man. You haven't stepped foot back at OSP since the night we caught Herrold. You aren't leaving her side. You aren't working. I doubt you are even sleeping." Catching the look from Callen. "Fine, sleeping less than you already do. Which isn't a hell of a lot anyway." Locking eyes with him, "What else is there for you to do?"

Breaking the contact, Callen takes a deep breath and exhales slowly. "I don't know. I honestly don't." He takes another sip of the beverage before re-establishing the eye contact. "It just doesn't seem like enough. She spends more time playing the piano than anything. And the words she sings have got to be some of the saddest ones I have ever heard." He shifts uncomfortably as the feeling that he is revealing too much of her story with Sam threatens to silence him. But, damn, he needs to talk to someone. "The first couple days, I thought it was a good idea. I remember her playing during the investigation and it calmed her. Took her to a place that seemed to ground her." He stops talking and closes his eyes as he leans his head back against the booth behind him.

Sam's voice interrupts, "And now?"

He straightens his head and looks at his partner, "I don't know Sam. Now I'm not so sure. She is talking less over the last couple of days. The glimpses I had been seeing of Nell are fading again. The more she plays, the more she slips into her head."

Sam contemplates for a moment before continuing. "Maybe Hetty is right Callen." He waits for Callen's expression to change as his brain comprehends what Sam is saying.

Callen shakes his head. "No, Sam. Hetty is not right. Nell does not need to be shipped off." Sam's mouth starts to move and Callen puts his hand up to stop the words. "Even if it is to spend some time with Nate."

Not deterred by his partner's discomfort with the idea, "It's Nate. Nate." Callen refuses to look at him. "You know what I think." His partner locks eyes with him. "I think Nell leaving to stay with Nate is more about you than her. And that is a really dangerous game to play, G."

Callen starts to open his mouth and then stops. Damnit. Sam's right. He knows he is. Callen is being selfish in that regard. He can't imagine Nell gone. Even if it is with someone he trusts explicitly. Knows won't hurt her. Would protect her with his own life. Callen isn't so sure he can handle letting Nell walk away not knowing if she will come back. What if she goes and realizes that this life isn't for her. Realizes that being with the team is more than she can handle. Being with him is more than she can handle.

The two men finish their drinks in silence as Sam gives Callen the time to process what needs to happen. For both their sakes. Nell needs to work through what happened to her; the past and the present traumas. Sam knows there is no way the two of them can embark on a healthy relationship if they try to put the past back in some box. It will only be a matter of time before the box explodes and then they will both be irreparably damaged. As much as he knows Callen is scared of losing Nell, Sam knows not dealing with the reality of what they are facing is a death sentence.

The processing is interrupted by the distinctive tone of Sam's phone. He answers it quickly having already surmised who it is from the ringtone. Callen laughs as Sam nods in all the right places and fights the eye roll that is threatening to break through. "Yes, Michelle. I remember. I will stop on the way home." And there's the eye roll. "No, I won't forget." After a few more words of confirmation, Sam hangs up the phone to a rather amused Callen. "Not a word, G." Seeing the smaller man move to speak, "Your time will come, man. I'm warning you. That whole thing about karma is true you know."

Callen simply laughs in response as the two men rise from their chairs. Tossing a couple dollars on the table for the waitress, they move out the doors and towards their cars. Stopping at Sam's car, Callen turns to give the large man a hug before making his way to his own car. Pulling out his phone, he checks for messages he already knows won't be there. Fighting the urge to call and check on her, Callen pulls out into traffic and heads towards the store. Maybe a change in tactics will help pull Nell out of this place she has landed. He smiles as he walks through the doors of the local market to gather the necessary ingredients for dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes – The characters of NCIS:LA are not mine. I am simply borrowing them for a spell.**

**Welcome back all! I wanted to just say a few things before letting you get on with Chapter Two. **

** First, I highly recommend that you read What Now before moving forward with this story. I know I said in the first chapter that it would doable to skip reading the story that birthed this one, but I have to say my stance has changed. I am not sure the reader will be able to understand the gravity of this one without having the background of its predecessor. I spent most of Wednesday re-reading and taking notes on What Now, so I can make sure there is continuity between the stories. After accumulating seven pages of notes, it struck me just how important the background of What Now is going to be on Follow My Lead. I want to make sure I address any questions that may have been posed in the first story as well as develop the points that were left to assumptions.**

** Second, returning to this story has been in the back of my mind for a couple of weeks and I was simply rebuilding confidence in my ability to do it justice. I am not entirely sure I can do it justice, but I am definitely interested in going forward with my attempt. **

** Third, I already have written through chapter four and am moving onto chapter five. The basic idea I had in mind when I picked this back up has already shifted, so I think we are all in for a ride!**

** Finally, please leave comments and suggestions! I thrive off making sure I am as spot on as possible with the characters and I am aware the readers are the best resource in ensuring that happens. Let me know what you think! Also, let me know if there are missteps or if there are questions that you have which are not being answered!**

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Pulling into the driveway of the safe house, Callen takes a breath before loading his arms with the multiple bags of groceries he just purchased. He reaches the door and fumbles with his keys as he tries to avoid dropping everything in the process. Finally managing to gain entry, he walks past Nell saying a quick hello as he goes straight to the kitchen. She is seated on the couch with her laptop and he is heartened to see her partaking in the activity. He can count on one hand the number of times she has even ventured close to technology. Callen knows part of the reason is all the coverage the case garnered. Even though her name was never included in the reports, it was hard for her to see the constant barrage of images and debates on the various news channels. Everyone seemed to have an opinion and there were several who were quite critical of the way the case was handled. Of course, none of them really knew the extent of what was done to stop the maniac.

Pushing aside his thoughts, Callen goes to work unloading the bounty and organizing the ingredients. It has been awhile since he has really cooked much of anything, but he knows Nell enjoys cooking and he is banking on her joining him. He starts the prep work moving at a slower pace than he would have otherwise. It is only early afternoon, so there is plenty of time to get everything together. After getting the vegetables ready, he looks through the cabinets to find the wok and places it on the counter. As he waits for the device to heat, Callen opens the wrappers and sets them aside for later use. Testing the wok with a sprinkle of water, he finds the temperature just right.

Reaching over he grabs the oil and a few other ingredients to start the process. He is so absorbed in the moment, that he completely misses Nell come into the room. Her voice startles him slightly, "Egg rolls, huh." Keeping his back to her, he smiles as he nods his head. He feigns indifference in the hopes she will step in to help him. "I didn't know you knew how to make egg rolls."

He shrugs his shoulders, "I haven't made them for a long time, so I guess we will see how much I remember." He gestures for her to hand him the bowl of vegetables as he tries to dodge the oil that is popping entirely too much in his opinion. Snapping his arm back as a couple drops make contact, he lets out a low curse. "I forgot how painful the process can be." He hears her laugh as she moves beside him and dumps the contents of the bowl into the wok. Callen stirs the vegetables folding them into the seasoning as he goes.

After a short pause, he hears Nell laugh once again. "It's never gonna cook if you don't let it be for a minute." He feels her hip push him away from the wok as she covers it with a lid. "Let the flavors blend Callen." He gives her a mock salute along with a smile and moves to the counter pulling out more vegetables. As he gets busy preparing the next step of dinner, Callen hears Nell take over the cooking of the contents of the wok. Knowing she has it under control, he moves a little bit more quickly to get everything set for the stir-fry. He retrieves the chicken from the bag and cuts it into strips.

By the time he is done with the preparations, Nell has finished the mixture for the egg rolls and the ingredients are placed into the perfect assembly line as she rolls them up. He can't stop the laugh that escapes his lips as he sees the precision at which she is working. She looks over in his direction, "Not a word Callen. Not a word." He puts his hands up in surrender and moves towards the wok once again.

After placing the ingredients together for the stir-fry in one skillet, Callen pours oil in a separate skillet in order to cook the egg rolls. Walking away to let the heat reach the correct temperature, he checks the rice cooker he had started at the beginning of this adventure. The two of them work quietly as they finish the necessary steps for a complete meal. Once the food is cooked and plated, Nell disappears into the dining room to set the table. She's not as talkative as he had hoped, but at least she is participating. He decides to call it a win even if the afternoon hasn't gone exactly as he had in his mind.

When he gets in the room, the first thing Callen notices are the candles Nell had lit and he smiles at the gesture. It is still fairly early, but with the blinds drawn the lighting reminds him of a romantic restaurant setting. The ambiance of the room makes him almost forget about everything that has led them to this place. He had anticipated Nell wanting to return to her house after Herrold was captured. Prove to herself that the madman had not won. That she would not be driven from her own home. However, she has given no indication she is ready for that step. The move has left him both relieved and confused. He feels better knowing she is here and no one can find her, but he also knows she can't hide out forever. She will eventually have to face the memories in her house. He won't push her though. Nell will let him know when the time is right, of that Callen is certain.

He moves to pull her chair out as she makes her way to the side of the table. Looking up she offers him a small smile and sits as expected. He pushes her chair in slightly allowing for plenty of space to breath. As he walks around the table to sit across from her, Callen stops at the sound of her voice. "Music. We should have music." He turns to face her before moving to the living room and turning on the radio. After searching a few stations, he finds one that he is sure Nell will like.

Callen claims his seat as he thanks her for the prepared plate of food he sees in his spot. They sit in comfortable silence for a short time before Nell starts talking. It's not about anything important or life-altering. Just casual conversation. They fall into an easy rhythm as they let themselves enjoy the evening. Nell is much more relaxed than she has been in some time and Callen is enjoying seeing her more like herself. As they continue to regal each other with stories and antidotes, the laughter comes quicker and more frequent.

After listening to Callen tell her a particularly embarrassing story about an op gone wrong, Nell sets her glass on the table as she rises to her feet. Walking over to him, she speaks softly. "Dance with me, Callen." She offers her hand to him and watches as he tries to read her face. Apparently seeing nothing that qualifies as concerning, he nods as his hand falls easily into hers. They make their way to the living room where Nell lights the few candles dispersed in various locations. After turning the light down slightly, Nell returns to Callen and stands in front of him.

Looking up to catch his gaze, she steps closer to him as she wraps her arms securely around his waist. Callen's breath hitches as he gathers her in his arms. He feels her relax into him as they sway slowly to the music. Aside from the dead of night when the nightmares plague her sleep, Callen has not been this close to her and it takes him a moment before he can convince his heart to slow its pace. There have been so many times when he wanted to take her in his arms, but he is afraid to push her too soon. He doesn't want to inadvertently cause harm after everything she has already been through.

In this moment though, it's like time stops. Like the past is gone and all that is left is an open book for them to write. Pages waiting from them to fill in the blanks. As he relaxes into her body, Callen finds himself taking in the scent of her hair and fights the urge to pull her any closer. They sway to the music for several more beats before he feels Nell pull away from him slightly. He risks a glance at her face and fights the urge to ask her if everything is alright. To make sure he isn't doing anything to make her uncomfortable.

Before he has a chance to think any further, Nell's hand finds a place on the side of his cheek. He feels her touch as she follows his face like she is trying to read things that have been left unsaid. Closing his eyes, he allows the moment to take hold of him. His eyes shoot open when her thumb finds its way along the side of his mouth and he is shocked to see the reflection staring back at him. It's a look he had not anticipated seeing. It takes all his willpower to stop himself from leaning forward and capturing her lips in a kiss. Their first kiss. Something he has imagined more times than he cares to admit lest he seem like some love struck teenager. A number of scenarios have gone through his mind and he has to say none of them even compare to this moment.

As if reading his thoughts, Nell takes a step closer to him and leans up allowing their lips to touch ever so slightly. She maintains eye contact with him the entire time. Hazel eyes asking for permission. Seeking out the answers she needs in blue ones. Callen freezes. It isn't that he doesn't want this. God knows he does. He just needs to make sure she is ready. Her name leaves his lips as barely a whisper.

She takes another step towards him and closes the space remaining between them. Callen feels her hand running along the back of his neck. Her nails scrap gently along his skin as she reaches her destination. She pulls his head towards hers and their lips meet once again. Only this time there is no mistaking her intention. No possible misinterpretation. His eyes close against the rush of feelings surging through his body as he reaches up taking her face in his hands. Just when he doesn't think the moment can get any more intense, he feels Nell's tongue run along his bottom lip and Callen swears his legs are going to give out.

He follows her lead allowing his mouth to open slightly as her tongue begs for entrance. Callen fights the increasingly overwhelming urge to deepen the kiss or change the pace. Everything he knows logically tells him to let her take the lead. Let things progress at her speed, but he failed to anticipate just how difficult that was going to be. As her tongue tentatively enters his mouth and he finds himself unable to stifle the groan the feeling causes as instincts take over effectively shutting his brain down. Callen gets swept up in the intensity. Locking a hand behind her neck, he changes the tilt of her head slightly allowing an angle that gives them both greater access as their tongues duel.

The change in position causes Nell to vocalize a groan of her own in response to the new stimuli. As the pace quickens, Callen realizes he has to take a moment to slow things down before he completely loses the ability for any rational thought. Breaking their kiss, he holds her face in his hands as he struggles to slow his breathing. Regain some semblance of control. Before he has a chance to speak, Nell captures his lips once again. The kiss has barely begun when he feels her hands slide under the hem of his shirt causing fire to light the sensitive skin her fingertips have found. When he feels her tongue in his mouth once again, he loses all rational thought. The way she is kissing him combined with her nails drawing patterns along his back impedes any ability to do anything except give into everything he is feeling.

His shirt is gone in an instant as she pulls it swiftly over his head and his mind registers movement as Nell pulls them across the floor towards the couch. His hands have found the hem of her shirt and he is running his fingers along the small of her back reveling in the sounds escaping from the woman in his arms. His lips drop to her neck and he feels Nell's breath catch as he runs his tongue along the pulse point he finds begging for attention. When he hears his name escape her lips, his brain finally seems to start working again. He pulls away from the place on her neck and reaches up encasing her face in his hands. "Nell." Locking eyes with him, she leans in and kisses him. Callen lets out a groan and forces himself to pull away again. Resting his head against her forehead, "Nell. We have to slow down."

She reaches up touching his face as she tries to draw him in once again. "No, Callen. We don't." Her hands fall to trace patterns along his chest as she makes her way to the top of his jeans. She runs her fingers lightly along the skin just below the fabric before her hands come to rest on the button. He feels her undo the small barrier and watches as she reaches for the zipper before he becomes cognizant enough to still her motion.

The action causes Nell to pull back and lock eyes with him. "What's wrong, Callen?" She attempts to reach out and touch his face, but finds her hands still encased in his. He pulls them up to his lips and lays a soft kiss along her knuckles before dropping them and stepping away to find his shirt. He needs the distance before something more happens. Callen knows they can't go there. Not yet. Not this soon. Not until she has had some time to heal. She needs time to come to grips with what happened to her all those years ago. He is certain she never really dealt with the initial trauma and he will be damned if he adds to anything because he can't keep himself in control. "Callen?" He is startled by the sound of her voice. There is an underlying edge that he isn't sure can be identified. Or maybe one he doesn't want to identify.

He turns to face her as he pulls his shirt over his head and is immediately struck by her features. He can't quite describe what he sees, but he knows he doesn't like what it seems to imply. Moving towards her, Callen reaches forward to pull her into an embrace. Assure her everything is fine. Instead of her body falling into his, Nell's hand lands on his chest as he feels her pushing him away. "No, I get it." She is shaking her head as she finishes her words, "It's fine. Really." But he knows she doesn't get it. Because if she did, then she wouldn't be reacting the way she is. She wouldn't be pulling away from his touch. He tries reaching for her again only to have her step away from him. Callen feels his stomach lurch at the action.

"Nell." He needs to explain. Make her understand it isn't anything about her. Well, it is. But it's not that he doesn't want her. It's more about her healing before they add any other layers to the relationship. Things haven't exactly followed a typical pattern. Callen knows the odds are stacked against them. Especially considering that their feelings were revealed during the course of a highly stressful situation. In order for them to last, they have to heal and find a solid foundation. They can't survive on a foundation born out of fear and the desire to protect or be protected.

Nell walks backwards towards the hallway, "I'm going to head to bed. You don't need to explain. I made a mistake. It shouldn't have happened." He sees how hard she is trying to keep the tears at bay and Callen's heart feels like it could explode at any minute. As she turns to walk down the hallway, he takes the risk and moves forward quickly enough to reach her before she disappears down the hall.

"Nell. Stop." She tenses under his grip and he fights to urge to release her. It's a calculated risk and he knows it. Nell doesn't respond well when she feels like she is being cornered. He knows that. But he can't let her disappear into the bedroom thinking he didn't want this. Didn't want her. Callen turns her body so she is now facing him. Reaching down with one hand, he pulls her chin up in order to get a clear view of her face. "You have to know this wasn't a mistake." Seeing the disbelief cross her features as she looks away, he sighs heavily. "God, Nell. I didn't stop this because I didn't want it to happen." He waits to see if she will make eye contact with him. When she doesn't he speaks up again, "Nell, look at me." She balks for a moment before complying. Locking eyes with her in a desperate attempt to get her to believe the words he is saying, he continues, "I want this." He gestures between the two of them. Reaching up and skimming his fingers along her face, "I want you." Seeing the doubt still clouding her eyes, he captures her lips in a breathtaking kiss that rivals the ones from moments before.

As Callen breaks the kiss, he hears the quiet voice of the woman in front of him, "But not enough to let it happen." She is confused. Rightly so probably. "What did I do wrong then? Why did you stop?" Callen shakes his head and starts to speak but his answer is interrupted by the continuance of her voice. "I know I'm not experienced like the other women you've been with." She lets out a shaky breath followed by a nervous laugh. "The only person I've been..." The words die in her mouth as she pulls out of grip and disappears down the hallway. She is through the bedroom door before Callen can process the words she had spoken.

He lets his body fall against the wall just behind him as his mind fills in the blanks. The only person she had ever been with. God, no. Callen hadn't even considered that angle. He just assumed she had been sexually active before that night with Herrold. The team had already determined early on in the investigation that Herrold had raped Nell. Even though she has never said the words or spoke to them about it, they all knew what had happened. But, this revelation. This changes everything. She had been a virgin when it happened. And she hasn't been with anyone since the attack. And then tonight. Him putting his hands on her. Was it too much? He instantly starts replaying the events of the night in his mind. He knows he would have done things differently if he had known beforehand. Was he so caught up in his own feelings that he missed something he should have seen? A sign that she wasn't ok. That he was allowing them to go too far. Shaking his head, he feels himself calm slightly as realizes she was the one that initiated the kiss. She took his shirt off. Pulled him towards the couch. Everything was led by her. He was as certain as he could be in that respect.

Resuming his replay of the night, Callen thinks back to what happened next. He pulled away from her. Walked away from her. Even if it was just a few steps to retrieve his shirt. He stopped them before anything else could happen. Rubbing his hands across his face, it hits him like a brick. He feels the tears building in his already moistened eyes as the realization slams against him. She finally took a step towards intimacy. The first one she has ever taken. She put herself on the line and he stopped her. Made her feel like she had done something wrong. Like it was her. He had confirmed whatever belief she held from the only experience she had ever had. An experience with a rapist where she had no say. No control. He has no idea what the man said to her, but whatever seeds Herrold planted in her mind all those years ago Callen knows he has now inadvertently watered.

He mutters another quiet curse as he moves towards her room. Knocking on the door, he waits for her to respond. After a moment of silence, he makes the assumption she is likely in the adjoining bathroom. Opening the door slowly and calling her name to avoid startling her, Callen makes his way into the room before stopping outside the bathroom door. Taking a breath, he knocks on the door. It takes a moment before he hears her voice, "I'll be out in a few minutes."

He lets his head lean against the cool wood before stepping out of the room. All he can do now is wait. And hope she will listen. That she can listen. Even pulling from his life experience and all the things he has learned on the job, Callen has no idea how to move forward with this. Rape is horrific enough, but he can't even begin to imagine what Nell is going through knowing her first experience was one of violence. Hell, her only experience. How does he help her heal from that? Callen knew he was out of his element through this whole process, but he just beginning to realize just how far out he truly is.

His thoughts are interrupted by the quiet cough of Nell announcing her presence. He immediately moves to face her and realizes his hand is moving to bring her into his arms. He stops himself unsure if Nell wants him to touch her right now. Unsure that he even has the right to touch her. Callen doesn't want to upset her any further. He watches as she lowers the gaze that had followed him as he walked towards her just moments ago. Before he realizes what his happening she is moving to walk around him. She gets a few steps away before turning and facing him. She has an easy smile on her face as she speaks. "You want anything to drink? I thought about making some tea." He watches her carefully before shaking his head. Nell turns and walks around the corner into the kitchen leaving Callen bewildered. What the hell was that?

Joining her in the kitchen, he observes her for a minute before speaking. "Nell?" She stills her action for a fraction of a second and Callen wonders if he simply imagined the lapse. "We need to talk." Once again, she keeps moving and doesn't acknowledge his presence. He moves towards her stopping when he comes almost flush with her back. His heart drops when he sees her tense at his presence. "Talk to me, Nell."

She turns so quickly, he has to take a step back lest they collide with each other. "About what Callen?" Nell gives him a pointed look before continuing, "How I made a fool of myself in there? Should we talk about that?" Oh he does not like what he is seeing here. This is the Nell that is stuck in the past. The one that comes out as a protective measure. He saw this version more times than he cares to remember during the investigation. Before he has a chance to respond, she speaks again. This time a little louder than before. "Or how about we talk about my little slip-up before I walked out of the room. You know that one where I let it slip that I've only had one experience." He watches as the mask takes over fully. "In the world of sex, anyway. Is that what you want to talk about?" Without thinking, he moves to pull her into an embrace. She pushes him away and her voice reaches an even higher volume. "Don't Callen." She holds her hand firmly in front of her body. "Don't touch me!" Nell maneuvers around his frame and walks towards the living room before turning around. "You know, I thought the words he said that night were bullshit. But now..." She pauses for a second before speaking again, "Now I know I was just lying to myself."

Callen feels like he's been punched in the gut. He wills himself to follow her. Clear up the misconception. Find out what Herrold said, so Callen could make her see the words were bullshit. But his feet feel like lead and he can't make them follow directions. He feels physically nauseous and is pretty certain it wouldn't take much for the food from earlier to make an unwelcome reappearance. Never in his life has he felt so unsure of himself or what he should do. Even with all the tools in his arsenal, he can't fake this. He can't just wing it and hope it all works out. Pulling out his phone, he calls the only person he knows can help.

"Nate. It's Callen."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author' Notes – I cannot claim any of the characters of NCIS:LA. **

** Here we go again! I fought this chapter quite a bit as I tried to figure out how I wanted it presented. After a couple of re-writes, I decided to just go with what I have. It is essentially Nell's point of view interspersed with a little look inside her thought process. I am working on other chapters as I get this one posted and am intrigued to see where this story goes. **

**As always, please read and review. I enjoy getting to hear what your thoughts are and how you are interpreting the actions of the characters. It also allows the reader to let me know if they feel I am not following a characterization as well as they think I should be. **

**I hope you all enjoy!**

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Throwing herself on the bed, she allows the tears to fall freely. This was not how tonight was supposed to go. Not at all. Honestly, when the day started she didn't have any expectations for things to be any different than the last several nights. She knows she is slipping further into her own thoughts. She also knows she needs to pull herself out of the constant dialogue her brain is providing. The replaying of what happened. Then and now. The need to make sense out of events that can never be packaged in a neat little box. She tried to do that before and now look where she is. Back to battling the same demons that almost claimed her last time.

But that is what she does. Makes a living providing insight into the things that no one else can make sense of. Finding the missing piece. Putting the puzzle together so others can act. Except now. Now, no matter how many times she goes through what happened, she can't put the pieces together. And she feels like she is slowly going crazy. This feeling is far from new to her. But this time, her mind is working with so many more variables and it just seems no matter how hard she tries, she fails.

So she plays. The piano became her escape when she was battling her demons the first time and now it is providing the same sense of calm. The place she could go that no one knew about. Now though. Now, she shares it with Callen. He is the first one to ever hear her play. Honestly, it was not something she had done on purpose either, but as she listened to Callen fill in those first few details. The parts of that night she had not remembered, it was too much. Her body automatically defaulted to the one safe place she could go. Music was, and still is, her retreat. A way to just disappear. And singing. No one knew about that either. Until Herrold came back into her world and shattered the delicate balancing act her mind had created all those years ago.

It takes all of her willpower to stay in the room and not seek out her place of calm. To seek out the music that takes her mind to a place that doesn't allow the demons. The only place she find reprieve from the madness in her head. The reminders of everything that had happened all those years ago. Her complete trust in her own instincts that left her vulnerable and wrong in so many ways. She had become too complacent leading up to that moment. She got too wrapped up in feeling like maybe she was an attractive woman. Maybe she could get the guy. Maybe he was really interested in her. The words he was speaking weren't just a line designed to set her up as part of some prank. She let her guard down and the results were beyond anything she could have ever imagined. Shaking her head at the absurdity of her decision that night, she knows there is only one answer. Only one path to follow.

Deciding enough is enough, she rises to her feet and makes her way to the adjoining bathroom. Her options are limited to a shower to help calm her brain because she knows leaving the room will only lead to another confrontation with Callen. After removing her clothes, she turns on the faucet and slowly steps under the steady stream of water. Letting the sting of the heat pound her face, her mind drifts over the events of the last week. His admission the night Herrold was caught. His fears that she would leave him. The pain and hurt she saw his eyes. It was the only thing that pulled her from the precarious perch she had been teetering on for too long. Somehow, Callen reached her in a place she didn't even know existed and made her believe his words. Believe his sincerity. Trust. Trust that he needed her in his world. He needed her as much as she knew, somewhere deep in the recesses of her psyche, she needed him.

When she realized it was Herrold who attacked her in the pub and her home, she couldn't even begin to process how he found her. The old Nell existed only on the most basic level and everything that could have led someone to her had been carefully rewritten. She had moved miles away. Became a new version of herself. A vigilant person who kept personal details tucked safely away from prying eyes. Nell used her position at OSP as the reason for covering her tracks. Pretended that was why her existence was so closely guarded. No one knew the actual reason. And she had never intended on anyone ever finding out.

She kept herself carefully hidden from the world. Thankfully her job was highly demanding and gave her a million different reasons to never venture very far past work and home. She had no reason to go out. No reason to frequent any kind of venues. The most she did was join the team for the bonding experiences, but only if they asked. She would turn them down as often as she felt it would not raise anyone's suspicions. She knew better than to always say no. These guys were the best of the best. So she would go when she felt it was necessary, but she was always careful to never leave herself vulnerable. Not again.

She never drank. Not a drop since that night. The team would sometimes question her about why. Encourage her to have just one beer. Let herself loosen up. But she always declined. She used the personal reasons excuse knowing how much the team valued privacy above pretty much anything else. They wouldn't push the issue. If she had ever told them the real reason, it would open up too many other questions. When Herrold came back and the team found out what few details they had, it was a bitter enough pill to swallow. Even though none of them had questioned her about that night all those years ago, she knew that they had already figured out what he did. At least on the most basic level.

Shaking her head as if trying to force a different song to play, she fought with her own mind to remember the events of tonight. She knew she needed to relive the pain and let the memories flash through her mind in order to move to the next step. The carefully constructed walls needed to be rebuilt and this was the only way to make it happen. And it worked. Her thoughts drift back to Callen. The way he came through the front door. Breezing past her, walking into the kitchen like it was second nature and they had been following this routine for years. It definitely intrigued her. Such a change in the air from the previous days. No questions about how she was feeling. No letting her know he was there when she was ready to talk. He would understand and nothing could change how he saw her.

His calmness as he cooked. The ease at which they spoke during dinner. The normalcy of what they were doing. It was a look into a window of what they could have. As the evening progressed, the simplicity of everything gave her mind the illusion she could make this her reality. She was well aware of her own feelings towards Callen and she was certain he had feelings for her as well. Even before that morning when Herrold broke into her house, she knew. They had been flirting back and forth for awhile before Herrold came back. The walls she had built so long ago had started to crack under the looks and banter of one G. Callen. As they grew closer, she allowed herself to believe maybe the years of protecting herself wasn't necessary which is why she let him know the night she was going out with her friends was simply a girls' night out. Her way of assuring him she was available should he choose to move past flirtations and banter.

And tonight. When they were sitting at dinner, she got so caught up in the moment that she didn't even think. There had been so many years of thinking. So many years of never letting her guard down. Never letting herself just feel. Watching him from across the table gave Nell the sense that she could put herself out there. That he would be there for her. Protect her.

She asked Callen to dance; feeling his breath stagger as he drew her close. She felt how his heartbeat increased as their chests rested together and she pushed away any second thoughts. She convinced herself to just be in the moment with him. As their bodies moved to the music, it was like everything else had disappeared. The past was gone. The only thing that existed was them. As she traced his face, the overwhelming urge to kiss him came from a place she had shut down long ago. As she watched him close his eyes, she knew he wanted this as much as she did. She also knew he wouldn't push her. He would have been too afraid to push her.

So she took charge. Swallowing her doubts and fears once again, she let her thumb graze along his mouth and watched as his eyes flew open at the touch. When she brushed his lips with hers, she felt him freeze under her touch. It almost caused her to pull away, but she chose to not let the fear win and focused on the look in his eyes. The way he said her name was the catalyst which caused her to close the gap between them. She knew this was right. They were right. Never in her life had she wanted someone to erase the past. Needed someone to erase the past. She needed Callen to take her to a place that she never thought she would ever be ready to go. She trusted he would show her what being intimate with someone was supposed to be. He would prove her trust was not unfounded.

As she pulled Callen toward her and captured his lips with hers, all thoughts left her mind completely. Even as his hands came up to her face, she could tell he was holding back. The moment her teeth grazed his bottom lip and their tongues met for the first time, she knew Callen had let go of his own fears and let himself feel. The feel of his hand tangled in her hair as he deepened the kiss. The way the intensity seemed to magnify exponentially with just a simple movement.

Almost as quickly as it started, she felt Callen pull his mouth away from hers. The feeling of her body responding to a man in ways she never imagined made her feel more alive than she had in years and she did not want to let that go. Everything was so right. The way her felt under her arms. How he couldn't keep his breathing under control. She was certain he wanted this just as much as she did. And for the first time since her world had crashed around her, she trusted her instincts. Trusted him. Let him in to see a side of her that no one had ever seen. In that moment, she realized just how desperately she needed this intimacy with him. Needed to know she could be right.

Leaning down, she captured his lips again as an overwhelming sense of urgency seemed to take over. She wanted to feel him. Be close to him. Closer than she had ever dared to be with a man. She moved her hands under the hem of his shirt as she allowed her fingers to make contact with his back. Remembering the boldness of her actions as her hands seemed to be acting of their own accord, she realized how completely at ease she felt. There was no hesitation as she lifted his shirt over his head and moved them towards the couch. The way it felt to have his hands under her shirt. The feel of his fingers on her bare skin. His mouth on her neck. The lack of recognition of her own voice as she said his name.

Then Callen pulled away. Said things were moving too quickly. That they needed to slow down, but she knew better. She knew how much he wanted her. She assured him they could continue as she ran her hands down the expanse of his chest making her way to the top of his jeans. The thrill that went through her body as she reached slightly below the jeans that hugged his sides. The way he almost seemed to be holding his breath as she ran her hands along the edge until she reached the button on his jeans.

While the water cascades over her body, she makes her mind comprehend what happened next. The way Callen walked away from her after he placing a kiss on her hands. How it felt to know he was walking away from her touch. From her. She relives the horror she felt deep inside as she watched him pull his shirt back over his head and turn around. The realization of just how wrong she was. About them. About him. She heard the words that had long ago become a mantra of what her life would be play through her mind. The ones that told her what a man would think if she ever tried to make advances on him. If she ever tried to be intimate with anyone.

And God help her. Those words were right. Somewhere along the line he had convinced her they weren't, but when he walked away she knew exactly what his mind was thinking. When she felt his hands along her arms trying to pull into an embrace, she knew why. Knew it is just him pitying her. Placating the girl who would never know a gentle touch. An intimate touch. No man would ever want to touch her. Not like that. Not after what happened. Not after what she had allowed to happen.

In that moment, she knew her only recourse was to escape from the room. She had already made enough of a fool of herself. Recalling the way he turned her body to face him and the way he encased her face in his hands before speaking had only made things worse for her. Even as he was speaking to her, she knew better than to believe the words coming out his mouth. His actions had said everything that needed to be said. He had pulled away from her. Pulled himself from her touch. She knew he did not want her. Her past came back to haunt her just as it had been foretold. It didn't matter what his mouth had said. His actions couldn't lie. She learned the hard way that actions speak much louder than words. And they always speak the truth, even when words do not.

Shaking her head again as she curses the process necessary to becoming who she was before Herrold came back, Nell briefly wonders if she can do it all again. Questions her strength. Her resolve. Desperate to clear her mind and make the memories disappear, she takes a shaky breath knowing she has no choice. In order to erase the evening, she has to let herself feel all of it. All those years ago, she tried to just bury the events. She spent so many days pretending to be fine. Her nights however were a different story. They were filled with nightmares and fear. They allowed her to feel his hands on her once again. Allowed his breath to be all over her. She tried to force her mind to make the events disappear, but no matter how hard she tried he would always come back.

It took weeks of no sleep before she realized the only reprieve was to remember every detail. Every feeling. Let herself be there again so she could finally tuck the memories into the far-reaching corners of her brain. So she did. And it had worked. She had tucked the events so deep that she didn't even recognize the man when he was standing right in front of her. Didn't remember the sound of his voice. His eyes. The only thing that reached that forgotten time were those words. Just four words and it all came back like a tidal wave. It came back so fast, she couldn't even get her bearings. All she could do in that moment was run. Cursing the process, she knows she to remember so she can forget.

Letting her body come to rest in a sitting position in the tub, her mind wonders back in time to finish a journey that will allow her to heal in the only way she knows. Her initial shock when, without warning, his mouth crashed into hers. The way her body felt like she had been transported back into that living room with him. Even now, closing her eyes, she can feel the intensity. Feel the pulse of desire and want as it flowed through her body while his tongue dueled with hers. She remembers how it felt when he pulled again and how completely confused she was. He kept saying how much he wanted her, but then he would pull away and she struggled with letting her mind have a say in what was happening.

She can still hear how desperate her voice sounded when she asked what she had done wrong. She remembered thinking about all the tales of the women he had been with. The experience they had that could never match hers. She knew there was no way she could compete with that. Reacting off her desperate desire to prove her heart and mind wrong, she tried to explain. Let him know what she thought his worries were, but then it went wrong. In her haste to make him understand, she almost let it slip.

She takes a shuddering breath as she sees his face almost as clearly as if he were standing in front of her now. He is good at masking his reactions, but, right then, he couldn't. She saw it. Even now she can't attach a word to describe the flash that skittered across his features. She finally let her mind acknowledge what her heart had been saying and she knew she had to walk away. The reaction she told herself would happen if her past was revealed. If someone realized what she was. It happened. The onslaught of the emotions becomes too much for her as she struggled to not become overwhelmed by the disgust she felt. Disgust aimed at herself for believing he would understand. That Callen would somehow be able to look past what she really was. That moment showed her just how wrong she was. She knew there was no way he would ever see her as anything but the girl who had willingly gone along with a guy she barely knew. Let him lead her into that room.

Raising to her feet and turning off the water, Nell recalls the final moments with Callen. The way he came after her. Knocked on the door asking her, without words, to join him again. Nell carefully steps out of the shower and begins to dry her body giving herself a moment's reprieve from the chaos in her mind as the towel moves smoothly over her curves. Stepping towards the sink, she pauses to look at her reflection in the mirror. Taking a breath, she allows herself to fall back into her own mind. Seeing him seated on the couch. His hands are wrapped tightly around each other as if he was trying to convince himself of something. She remembers the look on face when he turned and walked towards. It was a look she hadn't expected. Horror. Disgust. Pity. Those were the looks she had steeled herself for. Instead, all she saw was pain and hurt.

Staring at her own reflection, Nell can almost see the interaction between the two of them. Him coming to stand in front of her. The way he reached his hand out to touch her. Her mind swirled immediately to the thoughts she had in that brief second. That maybe he did want her. Maybe she was reading too much into what happened. Was it possible that she let those words from so many years ago take hold without even giving Callen a real chance to explain? But then he pulled his hand back and everything fell apart once again. That was it. She was done. No more pretending. No more telling herself that the words were wrong. Her fate had been decided all those years ago. Her path set. Nothing could change. Nothing would change it.

So it was decided. The mask came back. Her firewalls firmly set. The defenses that had protected her all these years would serve to protect her once again. She just needed to stop lying to herself. Pretending that she was anything other than what had been determined that night all those years ago. It was her turn to walk away. She asked him if he wanted tea. She knew her role. Be the perfect host. Offer the only services she would ever be able to give him. The walk to the kitchen gave her time to fully integrate the life-saving measures that had been set on automatic default all those years until she met him. Until she allowed herself to believe there could be something else for her. That she could be happy and have a relationship. When she felt him in her personal space, her body automatically tensed at the threat. She knew what was necessary to keep herself safe. Never let anyone close.

The sound of his voice pleading with her to talk to him almost breached her defenses. Almost made her falter. Then she turned and he stepped back. Away from her. In that moment, standing in front of the man she reached out to in a way she had with no other, knowing that he had once again pulled away at just the thought of touching her, she knew she could no longer give him any concessions. His actions had spoken loud and clear.

After pulling on her clothes for bed, Nell moves into the bedroom and takes her place on mattress in front of her. She struggles to let the final pieces of the night permeate her mind. The final step in pushing him away. The words she knew needed to be said to ensure Callen would hear her. And if the look on his face was any indication, Nell was certain she had hit the nail directly on the head.

Allowing herself to replay the images of the evening through her mind has given way to a clarity that only Nell can attain. One that will allow her to move forward. Start the process again. Place all the emotions in their lockboxes and move past this misnomer she had. The idea that she could have a relationship. That any man would be able to love her. Touch her. She knows what she has to do to survive her reality. One that has no happy endings. Not for her. Covering herself with the blankets, Nell slides against the coolness of the sheets knowing she will sleep soundly. The only refuge from the demons is to embrace the truth in their words. She had fought that truth too long the first time before she finally found peace. This time, peace will come much quicker.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Notes – Nope, not mine...**

** Another chapter completed! I will be attempting to submit one to two chapters a week. It really just depends on how easily the story write itself. So far so good on that front. I have several snippets written of interactions between characters, both good and bad, and it will just be a matter of where to incorporate them when the time comes. **

** I know a lot of readers are probably wanting more interaction between Callen and Nell and I promise that is coming. It just hasn't presented itself as of yet. I already have more than one interaction between them written, I just have to write around it so it can be fit into the story.**

**As always, please leave reviews! It's more than just an encouragement. It is a vital connection between the readers and myself to ensure I stay honest throughout this piece. Good and bad reviews are more than welcome as everything helps the story progress!**

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Jerking awake, Callen takes a deep intake of air as he struggles to identify his surroundings. It only takes him a moment before the events of last night come crashing back. The disaster that was last night. Everything that happened with Nell. Calling Nate. Callen's desperate attempt to get Nate to see just how bad he screwed things up with Nell without going into details. His fears about seeing her transform literally right in front of his eyes. He told Nate about seeing her slip into another persona during the investigation, but something was different this time. Rising from the bed, Callen makes his way to the en suite. After taking a quick shower and getting dressed, he goes back into the bedroom to grab his shoes. He puts them on quickly before reaching onto the dresser to collect his belongings. Hearing movement in the front of the house, Callen braces himself before walking out of the bedroom.

Making his way to the living room, Callen sees her frame move away from the dining room table that still holds a few remnants of their night together. He notices the distinct decrease in the number of dishes on the tables and goes into the kitchen to find her cleaning the mess that was left last night. After everything went to hell. He takes a breath and coughs slightly so as to not surprise her with his presence. "I know you're there." She turns and gives him a wide smile, "those Hetty-like skills are cool like that."

As she turns to put her hands in the soapy water, he is unsure how to proceed. The woman in front of him is showing no signs of acknowledging what happened last night. And as much as he would like to forget it happened, he is all too aware that is not possible. Regarding her carefully, one would think all was right with her world. That they simply had a nice dinner and went to their respective rooms to turn in for the night. Not to mention the weeks preceding last night. The things she saw and experienced. Those alone would have broken anyone.

"Are you planning on helping at any point or were you just going to watch?" Her voice holds such a playful tone that he allows himself to be pulled into the banter in the hopes that it will allow for an opening to the conversation he never got to have with her last night.

"I'm actually rather comfortable over here." He watches her turn to face him and braces himself for her reaction. Which is not at all what he had anticipated. She turns and gives him a pointed look before launching a towel directly at his chest. He catches the projectile easily as he hears her tell him to join her in the clean-up effort.

"Dry the dishes, Agent Callen." She laughs as he comes to rest by her side. "The only thing that would have saved you from helping is if you had been the only one who cooked." She looks at him as he makes a motion to respond and cuts him off with her own voice. "Which you most certainly did not." He smiles at the lack of tension and simply defaults to her request. They complete their task rather efficiently and before he knows it they are making their way into the living room.

Nell walks over to the couch grabbing her iPad along the way. Sitting on one side of the couch, she watches as Callen sits on the opposite cushion. She is well aware he is going to want to talk about last night. Talk about how she is acting this morning. However, she is not going to be the one to start either of those conversations. Her focus is on the careful filing of everything that has happened. The need to get back to the woman no one can touch. The woman everyone knew before her world shattered around her once again. "I decided to go back to work. Get back into my routine." Nell watches carefully as Callen's non verbal response betrays his words.

"That sounds good." She has watched him long enough to know how quickly he can mask a reaction or even prevent one. And he most definitely does not see her admission as a good thing. She files it away as one more reason to not trust him. Honestly, Nell can't even believe she let herself fall for the idea in the first place. How can she trust his words if his actions don't align. "When are you planning on going in?"

Callen watches as she rises to her feet and makes her way to the hallway leading to the bedrooms. "Today." She calls the answer over her shoulder as she disappears around the corner. He is struck with how nonchalant she is acting this morning. Nell hasn't been at work officially for a few weeks and for her to act like she is just returning from a relaxing vacation only adds to the trepidation Callen is feeling this morning. He is beginning to think that is the only emotion he is going to be feeling for God knows how long is confusion. He knows she is not ready to return to ops. She hasn't even begun to process and deal with everything that happened. The present or the past. Hell, until yesterday she hadn't done much more than sit at piano for hours a day. Although he would have given anything to get Nell back to who she was before all hell broke loose, Callen knows this apparent flip of a switch is just as dangerous as slipping into silence like she had. He is starting to think it may well be more dangerous.

Hearing the door to her bedroom shut, Callen takes a moment to collect his thoughts before making a decision. Picking himself up from the cushion, he walks to her bedroom door. To hell with pretending nothing has changed. Going along with this illusion. Knocking on the door, Callen speaks before she can answer. "Do you really think this is a good idea, Nell?" He hears a small laugh from behind the door in response to the question. One that sounds like a forced version of the woman's laugh he has come to crave.

The door opens before he can say anything else and he moves to the side so as to not crowd into Nell's personal space. He takes note that she is dressed and ready for a day at OSP which only adds to the disconcerting feelings surging through his body because, well, she was only in there for a few minutes. Stopping in front of him, Nell glances up at him with a look of complete innocence. "Why wouldn't it be?" This is not good. Hell, this is beginning to border on the creepy side. He follows her into the living and watches as she comes to a stop by the front door. Nell grabs her keys from the bowl by the exit before offering a smile and a wave of her hand, "I'll see you there, Agent Callen."

He watches as she leaves and wonders what the hell is going on. It's like looking at the Nell he knew before everything went to shit in her world. Like he has been transported back three weeks. And he knows, down to his very core, Callen knows this is not going to end well. Grabbing his own keys, he moves quickly into his own vehicle as he heads towards OSP.

Walking into the building is a bit surreal for Callen. He hadn't intended on being back so soon and, if he were to be honest with himself, it is the last place he wants to be right now. The whole idea of resuming the life he had while Nell's life was still such a mess is unconscionable. Making his way to the bullpen area, he is relieved to see Sam by himself. "Miss me?" The look on his friend's face only proves to Callen that his presence this soon is not what should be happening. Especially after the conversation he had with Sam expressing his concern for Nell's well-being. Knowing there is no point in trying to pull one over on Sam, Callen gets right to the point. "Have you seen Nell?"

Setting the pencil he had been holding on the desk, Sam leans back in his chair as he regards the man in front of him. "Yea, G. She came in just before you. Stopped over here before heading up to ops." Callen notices the uncertainty in the man's expression. "What's going on with her because she is looking like nothing happened man. I mean she looks good..." Callen moves to take a seat on the edge of his own desk as Sam finishes the sentence, "just too good."

Callen shakes his head before making his way around the desk and taking his seat, "You don't know the half of it Sam." He sees his partner lean forward in his chair, but the flow of his words are stopped by the unmistakable voice of Hetty.

"Mr. Callen. Join me, please." Callen groans as his head drops on his arms effectively preventing the inevitable thud that would have occurred had the appendages been anywhere else. His pity session is disrupted by the low rumble of laughter coming from his partner. Callen lifts his head and sends a glare Sam's way as he lifts his body from the chair. He watches Sam put his hands up in the air as he makes his way across the small expanse. A talk with Hetty is the last thing he is interested in dealing with right now. He had no doubt a conversation would need to be had, Callen just wishes it could have been delayed.

Taking a seat in front of the slight woman, Callen dares to make eye contact as he regards the one person no one can seem to fool. "Am I to presume you are back as well?" She gives him a look that clearly states she wants to know exactly what is going on. He briefly considers his options and settles for the obvious. Because, well, if Hetty wants to start off with that angle, then he may as well join her. He speaks the answer before he really thinks it through completely.

"Apparently." And there's the look. He should have anticipated it, but it seems his brain isn't exactly up to par either. Even though he has been on the receiving end more times than he cares to admit, it never seems to get easier seeing Hetty narrow her eyes the way she is currently. When she adds the purse to her lips, all Callen can do is shift uncomfortably in his seat. He isn't really sure what else to say. Truth be told he had no intentions of being there today. His only focus has been Nell. The idea of when he would return hadn't even registered on his radar. However, today seems to be on a course of its own making and he is just hoping he can keep up with all the twists.

"I see." Hetty regards him carefully before leaning forward ever so slightly in her chair as her hands come together in front of her. Her actions send up several warning flares in Callen's mind as he attempts to determine how to patch this boat that is quickly sinking. "And am I also to presume you are making some executive decision that you are fit to return to your duties Mr. Callen." She continues before Callen has a chance to interrupt. "Because Ms. Jones seems to have taken the liberty of clearing herself for duties." Callen knows the pause in her words are not going to lead to anything positive, but he really has no other choice than to wait for her to finish. "It really makes one wonder why I am even here." Leaning her head to one side, she waits for him to respond.

Callen considers the next words much more carefully than previous ones had been. He is well aware Nell and, by default, Callen are overstepping bounds that Hetty does not appreciate being set aside by showing up today. Though in his defense, Callen really has no intentions of actually doing much work. Any really. He opts to avoid what he is aware is a statement that does not need to be answered. "Have you spoken with Nate lately?" She sits in silence watching as Callen attempts to squelch the fire before it takes hold. Knowing it is futile, Callen throws in the towel. He is completely out of his element and it seems pointless to admit to anything less, "Look I know us showing up today wasn't exactly on the agenda." Locking eyes with his boss, "Yours or mine. And I know I didn't agree with your idea to send Nell off to talk with Nate because, well..." he pauses without completing the thought. "but maybe it would be a good idea."

Hetty lets her body relax into her chair as she watches Callen closely. "Interesting." Callen gives his boss a wary glance. "I assumed when you spoke with Mr. Getz last night, that the two of you would have ironed those details if that were indeed what was best for Ms. Jones." Callen's head shoots up as he locks eyes with the small woman in front of him. Of course, she would know that. Why did he think otherwise?

Hetty watches Callen closely as he processes her revelation. She is beginning to wonder at what point either of them will be ready to resume their previous lives. The small woman is also aware that Callen is in need of Nate's services just as desperately as Nell is. "No need to explain Mr. Callen. While I am aware of just how difficult this has been for Ms. Jones and I do agree that it would be prudent for Mr. Getz to speak with her as soon as possible, I feel just as strongly about another point." Callen shifts is stature not liking the sounds of where this is going one bit. "I feel just as strongly about the need for Mr. Getz to speak with you about this matter." Before Callen has a chance to protest, a voice appears out of nowhere.

"And I have say, Callen, I agree with Hetty on this one."

Callen rises to his feet to greet the man who has taken his place behind him, "Of course you do Nate. Wouldn't expect anything less." Callen reaches his hand to take the one offered by his old friend as he motions to the other seat in front of Hetty indicating he should join them. "I didn't expect you this soon."

Nate looks in Hetty's direction as he speaks, "I'm sure you will be surprised to hear Hetty arranged my flight as soon as I hung up with her last night." Locking eyes with the agent beside him, "Which was immediately following my conversation with you, Callen." He watches carefully to gauge the man's response. Nate knows how much privacy means to Callen, but he is also aware this process is not going to be comfortable for anyone involved and he refuses to tip-toe around how he came to be in the Office of Special Projects.

Callen offers a smile in response to Nate's unspoken question, "I had no doubt you would do just that Nate." While he silently kicks himself for not anticipating the move, Callen is not surprised by the development. Knowing the air doesn't really need cleared, Callen feels he needs to clarify a point with Nate. "I know how guilty you felt when you returned from your op and Hetty briefed you on everything that had happened. We all know you would have been here had it been possible."

Knowing how little Callen appreciates being on the spot, he lets Callen's deflection stand without bringing attention to it. For now anyway. "Thanks, Callen." Nodding in Hetty's direction, "I assured Hetty that I would come back as soon as I got everything squared away, but..." Nate now fixes his eyes on Callen once again, "that timetable got sped up a little in light of the everything happening here." Moving onto the what is the action on everyone's minds, "Hetty tells me Nell came into work this morning. How's that going?"

"Ms. Jones appears to be completely unaffected by the events of the last few weeks. No sign of...," Hetty pauses as she searches for the right words, "well, anything really." Nate regards her carefully, taking in the concern that she is exhibiting, before turning his attention to the senior agent beside him.

"Callen, you agree?" Nate watches the affirmation in Callen's nod and speaks when he determines no words are going to come forward. "Because when we talked last night, you said she was very agitated and you were concerned with how to proceed."

Refusing to have a conversation about last night in front of Hetty, Callen glances at her for a brief before shifting his gaze to Nate, "Yea, she seems completely fine. Like Hetty said." Callen lets himself drift for a second as he thinks back to before she left the safe house. In a much quieter voice he vaguely recognizes, "Like she was before...," Callen lets to words drift as he abruptly rises to his feet and walks away from the two people.

Walking quickly down the corridor, Callen is all too aware his decision to walk away is going to garner unwanted attention, but his emotions had swooped in and taken over without warning. He needs to step away and try to clear his head. Ignoring the voice of his partner, he makes his way to a quiet corner in the hopes of having a chance to reclaim his thoughts. The dramatic shift in Nell's demeanor leaves him with so many thoughts swirling through his head Callen is finding it impossible to think straight.

When she was joking with him this morning, he found himself relieved. Glad to see her playfulness reappear. Happy to have the familiar banter. And while he knows in his mind that there is no way this road is going to be that easy, his heart just wants her back. He wants to see the light in her eyes again. Hear the smile in her voice. He wants the closeness that was hinted at during the course of this disaster. Even though he knows those moments were born out of fear, he would give anything to just have her look at him the way she had.

He lets his body slide down as he leans his head against the wall closing his eyes before he makes contact with the floor below him. He knows this Nell isn't any more solid than the moments they had during the course of the investigation. Callen is all too aware this is her mind's way of protecting her. Put it all aside and move on like nothing happened. Hell, how many times had he done just that. Unfortunately, Callen is also all too aware of how much damage can be caused by not facing demons. And this demon is proving to be bigger than anyone could have imagined.

He is vaguely aware of the body coming to rest beside his own. Determined not to acknowledge the presence, Callen waits in the hopes no words will be spoken and the figure will simply walk back the way they came. As the person beside him speaks, he just wishes he could drown out the words being said. "I know this isn't easy for you Callen. Seeing her go through the trauma and watching her re-live it time and time again." Nate gives him a moment hoping he will speak freely. After a couple of minutes, Nate tries again. "I'm here to help Callen. I know talking isn't your thing, but you need this just as much as she does." Hearing the bitter laugh come from Callen's direction, Nate looks over at the man beside him as the words come quietly.

"And what exactly do you want to talk about Nate?" Callen leaves his eyes closed as he continues, "That I find myself falling for her more and more everyday despite the circumstances that brought us together. How about the fact that she is currently playing stepford whatever in the ops center and..." He takes a breath before continuing, "God help me, all I can do is wish it was real. Wish that this one eighty she has done is something other than what I know it really is." He takes another shaky breath before looking at the man sitting next to him. "That I am the cause of what is happening right now. I am the reason she has slipped so far inside her own head that she has created this world where she has convinced herself nothing happened." Callen places a hand up to stop Nate's words as he rises to his feet, "Don't Nate. Because nothing you say is going to convince me that what happened last night didn't cause this change. My inability to control myself wasn't the catalyst." He watches Nate rise to his feet. "That the best thing for her right now wouldn't be for me to walk away before I push her so far that she can't come back from this."

As he watches Callen walk away, Nate mutters under his breath to himself, "Well, that went well about as well as I anticipated it would."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes – Not mine. I hold no rights to the characters of NCIS:LA.**

** I want to apologize for not getting this posted yesterday. One of the deals I made with myself when I picked up writing again was to make sure it only happened when I had free time which means during the day is my time to write. Once my crew is home from school, the writing is set aside and I do not even look at it on the weekends. I sorta kinda broke that unwritten rule yesterday morning by waking up and attempting to finish proofreading this chapter before my crew left for school. I spent all day yesterday touring the university my daughter plans to attend in the fall and I really wanted to post the update before we left, but that obviously did not happen. So here it is today!**

** As always, read and review! I encourage feedback and hope that everyone is enjoying this sequel. **

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Callen rounds the corner desperate to leave the building before anyone else catches up with him. His brain is in overload and the only thing making sense is the overwhelming need to get away from her. It's the only way he sees to protect her from his complete inability to do anything right. As he comes around the final corner that leads to the stairwell, Callen feels an impact. His hands shoot out to catch the person from flying backwards from the force and he is apologizing as his eyes make contact with the body in front of him. Nell.

Oh holy hell, he certainly has pissed off some deity in a massive way somewhere along the line. This is definitely not what needed to happen right then. At all. Trying to avoid eye contact, Callen releases his hold so quickly it would seem he is being scorched by the contact. Just as he is moving to go around the young woman, he feels her hand on his bicep. "Are you alright Agent Callen?"

And there goes the theory of eye contact. The sincerity in her voice overrides his brain and his eyes lock with hers in an involuntary response. He stands there for what seems like hours trying to convince himself to just walk away, but, once again, it seems his feet are incapable of following any kind of commands as he stays firmly in place.

Even though it seems Nell is in complete control of her new-found demeanor, seeing the look in his eyes as he stares down at her breaks her fragile resolve and, before she realizes what is happening, they are walking into a nearby conference room that was sought out by her own feet. She knows it is a bad idea, but there are still cracks in the walls and it seems that Callen still has the ability to push through even with no effort.

Nell shuts the door behind them before coming to a stop in front of him. "Callen?" She really tries to make his name sound more like a statement, but she is well aware her intonation made it a question. And honestly, it should be a question. A question of what is going through his mind. What is he thinking and why was he in such a hurry to get out of there?

Callen takes an unsteady breath and shakes his head before stepping towards her. He knows it is a bad idea, but he can't stop himself. He closes most of the distance between them and brings his hand up to her face gently cradling her cheek. "I'm worried about you, Nell." He watches as her eyes flutter shut and she seems to melt in his hand. "There are still so many things we need to figure out. Talk about." He pauses and takes a moment to just look at her. As soon as her eyes open, he continues. "Things we need to say to each other." He looks up in the air as if trying to appease the gods, "There are so many things I need to say to you, Nell."

She is struck by just how sincere his voice is. The honesty emitting from him reminds her of the night Herrold was caught. The night he confessed just how afraid he was and how much he needed her to fight. The delicate balance between protecting herself and wanting to be with him is quickly shifting and she feels herself falling towards a place her mind is screaming for her to avoid. The place where she feels like Callen can protect her and show her what it is like to have someone love her. The part of her that somehow still believes in happy endings.

Overriding the warning signals, Nell reaches up making contact with Callen's face as she wills him to look at her once again. "I want that too, Callen. I want to figure this out." She takes an unsteady breath of her own, "Times like this make me think I can do this. I can let you get close to me. It's just..." The words trail off as Nell's vision seems to cloud.

Seeing how hard she is struggling against herself, Callen tries to tell himself he needs to be patient as she finds the words that will explain what she is thinking. However, the longer the she takes, the more he is worried she will slip inside herself again and the thought terrifies him. His hands find their place on the sides of her arms as he moves them slowly up in down in what he hopes is a comforting pattern. When she doesn't resist his touch, he pulls her into an embrace.

Placing a soft kiss on the top of her head, Callen struggles against his own mind as he holds her in his arms. His heart knows this is right. He can feel it through every part of his body, but he just doesn't know how to proceed without doing more harm than good. She has already been through more in her lifetime than anyone should and he is so afraid of making the wrong move. He feels her pull away from him slightly, and shifts his hold so she can move as far away as she deems necessary. Much to his surprise, she stays as close to him as she can without actually being against his body.

"I don't want to mess this up, Nell." Knowing they still need to talk about what happened the night before, Callen figures now is as good a time as any other. "Last night...," seeing her visibly tense, he momentarily questions the wisdom of his timing, but he needs to get the words out. "I let myself get so caught up in the moment." He lifts her face to look at him, "I got so caught up in how it felt to have you close to me." Placing a delicate kiss on her lips, "To kiss you." He pulls her back into his embrace as he continues, "To know that you want me just as much as I want you."

Nell feels herself falling further and further under his spell as that place in her head loses its fight to keep control. The feel of his arms around her. The touch of his lips on hers. All the feelings swirling throughout her body are telling her she is safe. He won't hurt her. She feels him pull her back slightly as his lips trail down the side of her face stopping beside her ear. "You can trust me."

As soon as the words escape his lips, she pushes his hands off her body and steps away from him. She sees him moving forward while saying her name, but can't stop the wave of panic surging through her body. She puts her hand up to stop his movement as she moves further away from him. Coming to a standstill with her body angled sideways as if trying to lessen the chances he can make it past her arm which is still extended in an effort to hold him off, she struggles to find her balance.

"Don't. Just stay there." Her voice sounds scared and Callen watches helplessly as she fights to get control of her breathing. He knows she is slipping towards a panic attack, but, unlike the other times, she won't let him near her. Not even to help.

Feeling like he is caught in the past, Callen raises his hands in a sign of surrender as he talks softly to her. He murmurs the same words he used all the other times. "Nell, it's alright. I won't hurt you." He tries moving towards her and thinks, for a brief moment, that he has broken through the fear he sees trailing across her features. Just as he is almost able to touch her, she recoils and the progress he had made is shattered.

He watches as her demeanor completely shifts and she pulls herself out of the grips of wherever she was being held. He listens as she talks quietly under her breath and briefly wonders if she even realizes what she is doing. Battling with himself, Callen is at a complete loss as to what happened or what he should do next. All he knows is the overwhelming need to make things alright, "Nell?"

Her head jerks towards the voice as if she just realized he was there. Her expression shows a myriad of emotions before she speaks in his direction. "Screw you." She laughs in the most sardonic tone he has ever heard. "Trust my ass. You really think I am going to trust you? Especially after everything that has happened?"

Repositioning herself so she is now standing across from him with her arms crossed firmly against her chest as if issuing a challenge, Nell continues, "I'm not stupid, you know. I realize that may come as a bit of a shock, but I know exactly what the last few weeks has been about, Special Agent-in-Charge G. Callen." The way she drags out his official title stuns him into silence. The venom attached to it is one that he has never associated with her.

"It's all been about you doing your job. I know all that taking care of me was simply to get the information you needed. An end to a means. Can't lose the witness, right? Gotta protect the asset! Do whatever it takes to make sure you find all the answers." The hate behind the way she says those words feels like a punch in the gut to him. One that feels suspiciously like Sam's 'Don't worry, G. I'll hold my punches' type of hit and it makes him feel physically ill.

He struggles to get his mouth caught up with his brain as he attempts to formulate the words he needs to say in order to make her understand she is completely wrong. "That is not true, Nell. This is so much more than that. I'm here because I need to be here. I have to…" His words are cut off by another laugh that he doesn't recognize as coming from the woman in front of him.

"Make yourself feel less guilty?" She narrows her eyes in a way that tells him the shaking of his head in denial is doing nothing to convince her. "That doesn't cover the subject? Because between the super agent role and your need to fix your guilty conscience, I;m pretty sure this is more about you than me." Somewhere deep in her psyche, Nell knows the words coming out of her mouth are not true, but she knows they are necessary in order to push him away. The fact that just one touch from him made her resolve crumble scares the hell out of her and she has to make sure he stays away until she can gain complete control over this need she has for him.

"That is not what I was going to say." He is shaking his head as he tries to find the right combination of words he needs. The sound of Nell's voice speaking again, coinciding with the door to the conference room opening, interrupts his thoughts.

"Let me make myself perfectly clear Agent Callen." The coldness in her voice is matched by the look in her eyes as she comes to stop directly in front him, "I don't need you to save me. I don't need you to use me as a means to wash away your guilt and I most certainly do not need you to make me feel safe. I don't trust you. Been there, done that. And the message was received loud and clear."

Callen doesn't even know how to begin to respond. Looking over at the door, he sees Nate standing there and wishes the man would just say some magic combination of words to fix the whole situation. Knowing Nate is probably unaware of everything that led up to this latest confrontation, Callen turns to face Nell once again in the hopes of saying something that gets through to her.

Before he find any words, she speaks again raising the octave level to one that leaves no room for discussion. "I want you to go Agent Callen." When he makes no motion to move, Nell feels herself getting more anxious. Her hands make contact on his chest as she pushes him for emphasis, "Get out now!" Looking over in Nate's direction, Callen hopes to get some sort of help from the man who supposedly has all the answers. A slight nod of his head tells Callen he should acquiesce. Upon reaching the door, Callen turns around to address the woman in front of him one last time before leaving. "I'm sorry, Nell."

Nell turns her body as soon as Callen leaves the room and walks towards the window furthest from the door. The door that is currently being blocked Nate Getz. Not the man Nell wants to see at this particular moment. She was unaware he had made a reappearance and she has to say, his presence does not impress her one bit. Knowing he is one of the few people who would be able to reach places she is unwilling to go, Nell pushes the facade firmly in place hoping to escape from the room as quickly as possible.

Taking a calming breath before turning around, "Nate." She says his name with as much enthusiasm as she can muster, but the look on his face as she closes the distance between them says she will have to do much better. Pulling him into a hug, "It's good to see you!" As their bodies disconnect, she finishes her thought. "When did you get back?"

Nate regards the woman in front of him before responding, "Just this morning. I haven't really had much time to talk with anyone." He holds her gaze for as long as she allows, "Everything alright between you and Callen?" She gives him her best innocent look, "It was a bit tense when I walked in."

Nell laughs off the comment while waving her hand as if swatting a fly out of the air, "It's fine. You know how Agent Callen can get sometimes." She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, "Things always have to go his way. No one else could possibly know better than him" Seeing that Nate is not buying anything she is selling, Nell decides to simply call it quits and get out of the room before anything else can be said, "Well, I gotta get back to ops. You know how crazy things can get in there. Plus, I'm sure you want to catch up with Hetty and the rest of the team."

Nate allows her to walk a couple of steps away before speaking, "Actually, Nell. I came to find you." He observes the slight falter in her steps before she comes to a stop not far from the doorway. He takes a mental note of her hesitance when she does not turn around to return to the conference room. "This room will work as good as any other, don't you think?"

Recognizing she has no choice in the matter, Nell turns as she plasters what she hopes passes for an amiable smile on her face and follows Nate into the conference room. She makes her way to the chair closest to the door. As she sits, Nate walks around the large table and slides into a chair across from her offering a smile of his own. The fact that she is being forced to talk with Nate does little to impress her and she finds her mind scrambling for a way out of the conversation. Never in her life has she wished for a case to present itself more than right now.

Nate starts the conversation knowing full well that Nell will never do so. "Hetty tells me you want to come back to work." She smiles and nods in response, but says nothing. "She said you came in this morning all ready to go." Another smile and nod. "That you seem to be completely fine." The smile fades a touch and the nod gets a bit more tense. "She indicated you seemed too fine. Like nothing had happened."

Nate watches as Nell forces her body to relax and remain calm. He is tad surprised the simple statements have elicited such a strong reaction. "I'm ready to come back, Nate. It's been too long and I don't want to put anymore on Eric than he's already had to endure." The double meaning behind the words does not go unnoticed by Nate and he waits to see just which angle Nell will choose to exploit, "The job really can't be done efficiently with one person and, well, you know how Eric is about working with anyone else." She adds a laugh at the end hoping it will pass for correct etiquette considering the situation. "Have you gotten to see him yet?"  
>Nate smiles back at the woman, "No, we haven't been able to catch up just yet." Leaning forward, "that will come later. Right now, I want to focus on you." Knowing direct eye contact will only make her feel more vulnerable, Nate rises from his chair and walks towards the window. "How are things going, Nell."<p>

The arrival of Nate complicates things slightly. Nell was all set to deal with a different psychologist and figures passes off on her ability to return to work would be a walk in the park. She is not so certain it will be that easy to get Nate on board with her decision to return to work and, knowing he will be an integral part of said decision, Nell moves to stand beside the man in an effort to prove she is indeed doing fine. "I'm good, Nate." One look from him tells her the words are not coming across as believable. Time for a slight touch of honesty. "It's been a rough couple of weeks. Lots happening and a lot to deal with, but I really am good now."

Before Nate can inquire any further, Eric's voice booms through the room. "There you are, Nell! I have been looking all over for you..." Eric stops dead in his tracks as he realizes the identity of the man beside her, "And I'm interrupting." The words drag out as he starts backing out of the room while pointing his thumb over his shoulder, "Sorry...I'm just going to step out. Pretend I was never here."

Nell smiles to herself and is more than happy to pull Eric into the mix if that means avoiding this conversation with Nate. "No, Eric. It's fine. I was just stepping out to go to the bathroom." She quickly makes her way towards the door and addresses her partner as she leaves the room. "I'm sure Nate would love to have a chance to catch up with you as well." With those last words, Nell moves down the hallway before either man can stop her.

Turning to face Nate, "I am so sorry. I didn't realize you were back." Glancing awkwardly between the empty hallway and Nate, "Or that you two were talking." Eric takes in the grin that comes across Nate's face and relaxes slightly. "So that doesn't seem to bother you."

Shaking his head, Nate assures the man it is fine. "I hadn't really expected Nell to talk to me at this point anyway, so there really is no reason to apologize." The notion that Nate was going to get anywhere with Nell with just one conversation was absurd. He already knew that. Any conversation worth its salt is going to take place in a much more private setting and he just scratching the surface at this point. "This will give us a chance to talk a little." Eric sighs as he moves towards Nate. "How have you been, Eric."  
>"Good." He nods his head suddenly nervous that the focus has shifted to him. "I mean busy. Because Nell has been out, but good." While he knew that eventually Nate would be around to talk to the team, he didn't expect to be on that list. And now he understands why everyone else finds it disconcerting. Locking eyes with him, "You don't usually shrink me."<p>

Nate regards him for a moment before answering. "With the nature of this one, you were more personally involved than you ever have been." Watching Eric's head drop slightly and noting the obvious discomfort, Nate briefly wonders if a pre-requisite for the team is the disinterest in sharing any personal struggles with a professional. "And I have it on pretty good authority that you went above and beyond what most would consider typical for this case."

Seeing just how uncomfortable Eric is feeling at the idea of opening up, Nate ops to leave the tech alone for the time being and give him a chance to process the idea of talking about what he went through over the course of the last few weeks. "You know how to reach me when you are ready to bounce your thoughts off someone." He smiles at the man before turning away, "It's kinda what I do." Disappearing down the hallway, Nate knows his focus will need to be on helping Nell and Callen come to terms with everything that has happened. The rest of the team will come in due time.


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's Notes – Not mine...**

** First, I would like to apologize for such a gap between chapters! I really did not intend on dragging it out like this. I am placing blame squarely on real life, five teenagers, and a college kid! Things have been a tad crazy around my house and the kids were out of school for several days over the last two weeks due to the local county fair and teacher meetings. I attempted to proofread this chapter early one morning before chaos ensued, but failed at my attempt. I had also promised myself I would not work on my stories while my crew were home, but I have obviously set that aside to finish this chapter! I am posting it close to midnight as I wait for my two band geeks to return from competition.**

** Second, I will apologize as well for the really small update. I really wanted this chapter to be the interaction you will read and nothing else. Unfortunately, or not maybe, the chapter did not extend as much as I had originally thought it might. So, you have a mini-chapter of sorts. **

** Third, I will be working diligently on this over the next week and am confident it will get back on track with no problems. Hopefully the flow is working for you guys as it seems to be taking forever to get to any real content so to speak. I plan on bringing in much more details from Nell and, of course, the inevitable Callen/Nell interaction. **

** Please read and leave a review. I would love to hear all your thoughts about how the story is progressing!**

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Arriving back at the safe house, Callen shakes his head at the site in front of him. "What are you doing here Sam?" He briefly considers asking how the man beat him to the location, but decides he really doesn't care to hear the answer. Knowing Sam will realize the question is rhetorical, Callen walks past his partner and unlocks the door before making his way into the living room.

Hoping beyond hope Sam will just drop the subject now that he has seen him, Callen turns towards the hallway heading towards the bedroom. Before he is able to make it around the corner, Sam's voice breaks the silence. "So, that's it, G." Sam is all too familiar with the look in Callen's eyes. It's been years since he last saw it, but Sam knows exactly what is going through the man's mind and he will be damned if he lets him just walk away from everything.

"Yep, Sam. That's it." Callen doesn't stop to speak as he continues towards the bedroom.

"So you're gonna run. Just like that." Callen stops walking letting his eyes fall to the ground before turning to face the man who has become such an integral part of his life. Even as he had hoped the conversation would be avoided, he didn't really expect Sam to drop the matter. "Cause you can't really be thinking that Nell would be better off with you." Sam watches for any reaction from the man in front of him.

"Yes, Sam, I do think Nell will be better without me." He pauses for a moment as he finishes the thought, "In fact, I _know_ she will be better off with me out of the picture." As soon as the words leave his mouth, Callen turns back towards the bedroom.

His movement is stopped by the strong hand of his partner as Callen suddenly finds himself up against a wall. Callen can see the anger in the larger man's eyes and he can't say he blames him one bit. Nell has become such a force in all of their lives and Callen is aware of just how important she is to Sam. He pushes Sam's hand off his body and watches as Sam comes to rest in front of the smaller man. He watches as Sam crosses his arms against his chest and Callen knows he isn't going to back off without a confrontation. Callen just isn't sure he has it in him to argue. "What am I supposed to do Sam?"

"What are you supposed to do, Callen?" Sam shakes his head incredulously at the words, "You fight, man!"

"Fight?" Callen's mind is still in overdrive and his mouth has apparently found the will to fight even if his mind hasn't. "Fight for what, Sam!? So I can hurt her even more than I already have?" He moves around Sam's frame and walks away from his old friend. "No thanks, I've already done enough damage."

Knowing he is operating with only a fraction of the information, Sam didn't come to the safe house just to let Callen give up. He will damned if he doesn't do everything in his power to break the mindset that has gotten a foothold in his partner's brain. He has experienced Callen's guilt firsthand and knows just how far Callen will go to protect those he cares about. And somewhere in Callen's mind, he has convinced himself that Nell is better off without him. It doesn't matter that everyone else involved knows they both need each other more than either is willing to accept at the given moment. Deciding to bite the bullet, Sam chooses to push Callen and silently hopes it doesn't come back to bite him in the ass. "You really are one of the most selfish men I know G. Callen." Sam throws his hands up, "Maybe, you're right. Maybe Nell is better off with you nowhere near her."

Callen stops dead in his tracks. He knows the man behind him as well as he knows himself. Probably better than he knows himself. He is also aware that the words coming from Sam's mouth are his way of shocking Callen's system, but that doesn't stop him from reacting just as Sam had anticipated. Turning around quickly, he closes the distance between them as he faces off with the man. "You're damn right she's better off without me, Sam." He is barely aware his voice is rising at a rapid pace as he continues, "You weren't here last night. And you weren't in that conference room today. You didn't see the look in her eyes, Sam, and you sure as hell didn't hear the words that came out of her mouth." Pushing his finger harshly into the chest of a man few have ever intentionally challenged, "This change in Nell. That version of her that walked through the doors of OSP this morning like nothing had happened. That is because I am a selfish bastard who didn't do the one thing that I am so damn good at." He feels the emotions start to overwhelm, but the words don't stop flowing, "I didn't stay in control."

Watching as Callen begins to break, Sam is relieved to see him finally starting to process a touch of what has happened. He reaches up to place his hand on Callen's shoulder in an effort to comfort him. Support him in some way. Callen jerks away from his touch and continues, "I let myself get caught up in the moment. Again." He shakes his head bitterly. "The last time I did that could have cost Nell her life. This time. This time it cost her something so much worse Sam." He takes a shaky breath as he feels the renewed grip of good friend's hand along his shoulder once again. His mind floods with memories of his night with Nell. Desperate for some clue as to how to explain away what was said and how Callen could have missed such a crucial part of the equation, "I didn't put the pieces together." As the tears threaten to fall, he feels his body being pulled in an embrace. "How did I fail to see what was right in front of me, Sam?"

"This is hard part, man." He keeps a tight grip on his friend as he speaks. "Do you remember when you and Nell were at the coffee shop, G." Sam feels Callen's body go rigid at the words at the same time he feels him start to pull away. Continuing quickly before Callen can break the hold, "I told you that when Nell was safe, you could work on a relationship with her." Callen's body goes still at his words. "That's where you are, man." He pulls his friend away from his chest, "This is the part where you don't run because you don't know what to do. Or because it got hard." He laughs slightly under his breath, "Certainly not because she told you to leave." He waits for Callen to process the words for a second, "You take strength in how good it felt to be with her in that moment. Remember how safe you made her feel. Learn to let go of the guilt and remember how much trust there was between the two of you."

Callen shakes his head at the man as he unceremoniously wipes his face. "That's just it, Sam. I've already screwed that up. I broke that trust." He locks eyes with his best friend, "So what now?" Sam pulls his friend back in for another hug before pushing him out the front door.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author' Notes – Nope, not mine...unfortunately!**

** Here you guys go! Another chapter complete. We are finally to the point where we are touching on the events that happened all those years ago. Poor Nell! It's gonna be a rough couple chapters for her! This chapter pretty much wrote itself with little to no help from me and it is nice to get past the chapters that are establishing where everyone is currently at on the journey!**

** As always, read and review! I am anxious to see what everyone thinks of the chapter. Even if you post a review as a guest, it is good to hear your opinion!**

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She knew he would come. It was just a matter of time. The number of places she would go were not very high and, after leaving OSP so abruptly, it didn't take a genius to know her head wasn't in a good space. She arrived back her place. The place she had steadfastly avoided during the investigation until she was forced to come back. After they caught Herrold, she had stayed away once again.

She had always thought she would be that woman. You know, the ones you see in the movies that say screw you bad guy there is no way you are keeping me from my own house. But she wasn't. Sure she had her moments of bravado when the team told her she couldn't go back while they were investigating. But that was really all it was. She knew, without a shadow of a doubt, they would never let her come back until he was caught. Until the madman was stopped and the threat was neutralized. So it was safe to throw around her disgust at the notion all while knowing she would never have to back her bluff.

Stepping foot inside her home, she thought back to the last time she was there. How she had talked to Hetty after seeing the footage. How she knew that something had to be done and that something meant putting herself back in her house. Back in the cross hairs of a man who had taken so much from her. She watched Hetty's reactions and used her expansive knowledge of the woman to gauge just how strong she needed to be perceived in order to convince the small woman there were no other viable options. In the end, Hetty agreed. Without much fight or fanfare really. She knew this man was not going to stop until he got what he wanted.

As she walks into the living room, she is struck by how in order everything is. It was the night she came back to use herself as bait as well. Like nothing had happened. She had wondered a few times since who had cleaned the place. Honestly, it is such a minor thing that she could never bring herself to ask. Especially in light of everything that had been happening. After awhile, it never seemed to matter enough to ask. Just one more little detail that she didn't quite know that answer too.

Taking a step further into the room, she forces her mind to disregard the feeling of unease coursing through her body. It's one of the first times she wonders if coming home permanently is even an option. She can't imagine ever feeling safe in these walls again. The sanctuary she had built for herself was destroyed. Now it was a place where flashes of fear and pain were just as prevalent as happiness and calm. Probably more prevalent. If she were honest with herself, she couldn't even say why she came back. She had been determined the night before to let the past go. Process, file, and move on. Pretend none of it had happened. Start over. Do the same thing she had done all those years ago. Rinse and repeat.

Except it wasn't as easy this time around. Not that is was easy per se all those years ago, but she distinctly remembers once the decision was made to shut that part of her life down it just seemed to happen. Now though. Now, it isn't going down that same path. When she left for work this morning, she was good. Operation pretend nothing happened was in full swing. Hell, even showing up in ops went fine. Sure she got a look or two, but nothing was said. Then she ran into Callen. Literally. And he looked so lost. Mind over heart lost and she pulled him into that conference room. The look in his eyes and how it felt to have him staring at her like they were the only two alive. The words he spoke. Feeling his hand on her face. His lips on hers.

Nell shakes her head and tries to pull back from the memories. The war waging inside her right now is in full swing and it is all she can do to stop the tears. She takes a shuddering breath as she regains control of her emotions. "Damnit!" The word is said to no one in particular and Nell wonders if she is going about this all wrong. She knows how unfair it is to place Callen in the same box as Herrold. They are nothing alike. The look in their eyes. The feel of the their hands on her. The way they seem to place her in a category that houses no one else. Like polar opposites. Except Herrold started out just the same. He made her laugh. He had a gentle touch. Seemed sincere and said all the right things. And she trusted him. Without even a second thought.

She can feel the memories of that night flood back as her mind reminds her why she can't trust herself. Trust her instincts. She was wrong. So wrong all those years ago. Not just with Herrold. With the men before him. Admittingly there weren't many before, but the ones she thought she could trust always ended badly. She handed more than one man her trust and each one shattered it. There is no way she can even consider letting another man do the same. Even with all his sincerity, Nell has little doubt things will end just as badly with Callen. It's a risk she is unwilling to even consider. At least on a logical level. Now if she could just convince the rest of herself.

Taking a deep breath, Nell tries to rethink her strategy. Before she can do much considering, she feels a presence in the room. It momentarily strikes her how she is still attuned to her surroundings. The team always say it is because Hetty must be training her. Teaching her all those secret ninja skills. She let them believe that was the case. Truth of the matter is, Hetty had nothing to do with it. Her skills were developed with the intent of keeping herself safe from anything and everything. They were born out of necessity.

"You do realize I know you are there, right?" She turns and faces the man standing in her living room as she takes in the small upturn of his lips. Watching him nod in affirmation, Nell moves further into the room and farther away from his body. Allowing the silence to overtake them, she knows conversation is avoidable. Once she feels comfortable, she turns to face him once again as she starts to speak. Maybe some honesty would do everyone some good. Maybe that is should be the new strategy.

"It took you a little longer than I had expected." She watches the look of slight confusion span across his features. "To get here. Find me. I hadn't figured it would take you as long as it did."

Choosing his words carefully as he stays firmly planted in the spot she first discovered him. "Is that a bad thing?"

Considering the question, "No." Shrugging her shoulders, "Just is I guess." She moves to look at a photo frame on the wall, "I'm not even sure why I came. I mean I knew I would end up here eventually. Just not today." She turns to face him once again. "Maybe I was hoping some sense of closure would magically appear if I came here. Like everything would just make sense."

Finding a wall behind him and leaning back against it with his arms crossed, "And has it?"

"Not really." She pauses for a moment and he gives the time she needs to keep sharing, "When I moved in here, I wanted a place I could just let everything go. Not worry about keeping up appearances or if I was safe. Just a place to come I knew was a safe haven." Looking around the expanse of the interior she can readily see, "And that was what is was. Just a familiar place that I could be at ease in and never have to answer questions or wonder what would happen."

"And now?" He tips his head slightly to the left as he completes his thought, "Now what is it?"

Regarding him for moment, "I don't know." She looks down at her hands and he knows she is forcing herself to continue. "The night I went out with my friends to the bar. I was so excited that night. It had been such a long time since I just really let myself have fun. Things had been so busy with the team and I just wanted a night where I wasn't on guard." Walking towards the middle of the room, Nell stops short of sitting in one of the chairs. "I had spent so many years keeping myself locked down. And being with team. Seeing them together and watching how much fun they have made me think that I could have the same. When my friends called, I just wanted to let go. Didn't quite work out, did it?"

Risking a negative reaction, he moves slowly into the living room and claims the seat across the coffee table where she is still standing. He watches as she takes the opposite chair and gives her time to settle in hoping she will continue her monologue without any interference from him. After seeing her smooth the lack of wrinkles on her pants and fidget with her hands for a moment, he is rewarded with her voice.

"The clothes I bought for that night. It was like something I would have worn in college without a second thought. It was like I was trying to go back in time. Recapture how free I felt when I was at all those parties. I was so nervous that I almost changed out of them, but my friends got there before I could actually do it. Once they saw me, they pulled me out the door before I could even think and we were off." Glancing over in his direction, "You know I understand why women feel like they were asking for it."

Masking the reaction that threatened to flit across his features, "Did you feel like you were asking for it, Nell?" He is more than a little dismayed by the revelation because he is aware that, despite what her answer ends up being, she has already admitted she finds fault in herself. It really isn't an uncommon reaction. It just isn't one that he had necessary thought would occur to her.

She shakes her head all while examining something that isn't really present on her fingers. "No. I mean not really. I just can see why women would think something like that. I mean, if I hadn't gone out. If I hadn't worn the clothes I was wearing." She point to her head as she chuckles nervously, "You know all the what ifs that jump into your mind. I see why they do that. Because I could have stayed home. I could have said worn something else. All the other people that were there. They were all dressed in a lot of different ways. Maybe if I hadn't worn what I had, then he wouldn't have picked me."

He can see the moment she disappears into herself and he suddenly realizes they are no longer talking about being in the bar with her friends. She is talking about that night in college. The first time she met Herrold. He unconsciously holds his breath as he lets her find her voice again. He had hoped to touch on the subject at some point, but she had kept it such a closely guarded secret that he no expectation she would talk about this soon.

"I had become this girl that was so different than who I was before. I knew I needed to find a middle ground. I couldn't keep jumping to such extremes. When I went to college, I just wanted to reinvent myself. Be the total opposite of what I was in high school. So, I spent the first year putting myself out there. And every weekend was the same. I would dress up, find a party, drink it up, laugh it up, and pass out somewhere." As if almost uncomfortable, Nell stands and walks over the window in the front of the room. "I have no idea how became that girl. I mean obviously high school was a bust and I am pretty sure the only reason people wanted me around then was to have a reason to laugh. For once, I just wanted to be the girl everyone wanted to be around. The fun one that always got invited to the best parties."

She turns to face him, but her gaze never quite meets his. "And you know what. I loved it. It was such a different place for me. I was part of the group for once. Enjoying the moment. It was everything I had wished high school had been. Then, it just seemed like a waste. Like I was going too far the other way and I was still pretending. I still wasn't me. I guess I woke up one day and realized I was just as lonely as I had been in high school."

Coming back across the floor, Nell takes a place on the couch. He makes a mental note of her proximity wondering if it is a subconscious decision or one she chose intentionally in case she feels overwhelmed and needs an anchor. "I wasn't even supposed to go the party that night. I had told my roommate I had other plans. But something made me go anyway. I don't know, I guess I figured one last hurrah before I swore off that part of my life. I walked in and tried to play the role of the happy party girl, but I just couldn't do it. I couldn't make myself let go. So, I found a corner and just watched people. I wondered how many of them were thinking the same thing I was."

Pulling her legs up into her chest and surrounding them with her hands, he is acutely aware Nell is about to talk about a part of her life she has never shared with anyone. He maintains an even demeanor while setting a small smile on his face as she looks over in his direction. He hopes it comes across as comforting and allows her to feel like she can share this part of herself with him.

"I saw him from across the room. He was tall and had dark hair. Something about him made me wonder why he was there. It was like he was there because that was what was expected. Like maybe he was thinking the same thing as me. I was so enthralled by him that I couldn't do anything but watch his movements. After a few minutes of watching him, I went to get a drink. As soon as I turned around, I ran right into him. I hadn't even realized he had come up behind me. I apologized to him and all he did was smile. He introduced himself and told me he had seen me watching him." She contemplates the sentence for a moment as if something clicks in her head hearing it said it aloud. "I probably should have been embarrassed when he told me that, but I wasn't. It didn't even bother me that he knew I had been watching him. And then we just started talking. Found a corner in one of the back rooms that wasn't as noisy and just talked." Glancing over at him, "He seemed so normal. I mean like nothing was up. How is that? Shouldn't there have been warning bells or something going off in my head?"

Cursing the questions, he thinks for a second before answering. He had really been hoping she would just keep the monologue running and not interrupt the flow. "Our bodies are hardwired with intuition, but most of us have been taught to ignore that intuition. Don't admit to being afraid. If you are uncomfortable push past it and keep moving forward. Especially women. The whole idea that you don't want to look weak, so you keep yourself in situations that you may have otherwise removed yourself from just to prove you are strong." He watches as she processes the words. "Honestly though, this guy is a sociopath and that is why he was able to bypass any unease you think you should have felt. He is a master at manipulation and can be anything or anyone. I'm sure you saw him as charming and highly intelligent. Don't feel like you missed something because no warning bells went off in your head, Nell." Judging by the look her face, it appears she is at least entertaining the notion that she didn't miss something.

Taking confidence in the fact that she is engaging him in the conversation, he pushes forward. ""What else do you remember about him?" When he sees her body visibly tense, he wonders if maybe he shouldn't have asked the question. Knowing that speaking again will not help her discomfort, he lets her have the time she needs. "Talking to him was like talking to an old friend. Like he was one of the few people that got me. It was almost as if he understood exactly where I was coming from and he didn't judge where I had been. We talked for a couple hours and I couldn't stop myself from opening up to him. I talked about things I had never shared with anyone. Does that make any sense?" After seeing him nod, she continues, "He never tried anything. Never touched me. Never even got in my personal space. He was so different than all the other guys I had met. Those guys just saw a party girl they figured would give it up with enough booze and charm."

She looked at him suddenly as if needing to clarify. "I didn't you know. Give it up. I never did that. Even with all the parties. The alcohol and offers. I never slept with any of them." She gasped in a breath as she covered her mouth, "Do you think that was why he came up to me?" It was like she was just considering the possibility that maybe she was targeted as a conquest to have since no one else had ever succeeded in bedding her.

He gave her a sad smile, "No, I don't think that was why. It had nothing to do with what you were wearing or whether the other guys had talked about you refusing to sleep with them. If anything, those guys would have lied and said you did sleep with them in order to keep up appearances."

For the first time since arriving, he sees tears welling up in her eyes. He is actually comforted by the display and knows it a good sign that she is actually allowing herself to process what happened. To work through pain of the past instead of burying it. "If none of those were the reason, then why me?" The tears are now freely falling down her face as she tries to come to terms with one very small piece of the puzzle.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes – Nope, not mine.**

** Here we go! I do sincerely apologize about the delays with this story. There is a lot of background to cover and it's going to take some time to set up. I hadn't intended on involving Nate to degree that he appears to be creeping in, but I have decided he is a good buffer leading up to Callen and Nell coming together to talk.**

** Please read and review. Let me know what you think. Also, feel free to add any questions that you may have had during What Now and I will see if they can be integrated into this story. I have a few points of my own that I know are going to be covered, but I wouldn't mind hearing what thoughts you guys have.**

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And this was the part of his job that he absolutely despised. Those moments when nothing he could say will matter. Nothing will take the hurt or fear away. The need to assign a resting place for the blame. Which is where Nate finds himself in this moment. Trying to come up with some magic combination of words that will help her realize she did nothing wrong. "I can't tell you that Nell. William Herrold is the only one that can answer that question."

Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth, Nell is on her feet and walking towards the kitchen. "You want something to drink?" She calls the question out over her shoulder as she moves out of sight. Rising to his feet, Nate follows her into the kitchen. Without turning from her place at the sink, "I should have asked you earlier. When you first came. I don't know what came over me." She turned smiling as she pushes the glass in his direction. "My mother would be horrified if she knew I acted so inconsiderately."  
>Nate took that offered glass and quietly set it on the counter. He watches as Nell retrieves another glass and fills it with water as well. She drinks the liquid without turning around and he sees her take a deep intake of air before she finally faces him. "I think I'm going to head out for a walk. Or maybe a run." She moves past Nate and is out of the kitchen before he can respond. As he rounds the corner, the front door shuts with a quiet slam and he is left to his own thoughts. He knows she opened up more than she ever had, but he also knows she has a long way to go. And a lot more ground to cover. Nate lets himself out of the house as he contemplates the next step.<p>

Arriving at the coffee shop they frequent, Sam and Callen get out of the car and make their way to the outside seating area. "You do know Hetty is going to have your ass if you don't get back soon." Callen levels his friend with a small smirk, "And that I really don't need a babysitter."

Sam laughs at the remark, "Actually, I am fairly certain you do need a babysitter G. But you are right about getting back to work." Sam's gaze drifts over to the gate the two men just walked through to access the patio. Callen follows Sam's gaze as the large man gets up to leave, "Which is he is here." Sam walked towards the man in question extending his hand as their proximity closes. Pulling him into a quick hug, "Nate. I would love to stay and chat, but I really have to get back to ops before Hetty has my head."

Callen raises his glass to his old friend, "Your ass, Sam. Hetty will have your ass." He smirks as Sam shakes his head and walks away. Rising to his feet, Callen greets Nate before offering him a seat. "So, it's apparently National Callen Needs A Babysitter Day. I would congratulate you on drawing the short straw, but...," Callen smiles as he takes his own seat and raises his hand to get a waitress, "well you know."

Nate regards him for a minute, "Know what, Callen?"

The arrival of the waitress delays his response. As soon as she steps away, Callen leans back in his chair, "I don't exactly make your job easy, Nate." He gives the tall man a small smirk as he watches the years of past conversations flit through his mind.

"No, you don't Callen." He matches the expression he is getting from the man sitting across from him. "It's all part of your charm."  
>Callen laughs slightly before leaning back in his chair. Nate watches as he proceeds to take in the sites surrounding them as if it is a typical day to enjoy the weather. He leans back in his own chair as he waits for Callen to take the lead even knowing it could be quite a long wait. The waitress comes back with their meals and Callen still hasn't spoke a word. Just as Nate decides he is going to have to push the conversation, he hears a small voice.<p>

"I really don't know what I'm doing here." He shakes his head, "not here as in being here. I don't know how to help her." He locks eyes with Nate. "Every time I try, it makes things worse." He watches as the psychologist turned agent leans forward. "I don't even know what I'm doing wrong most of the time. It seems like things are going good and, then BAM, everything goes to hell."

Nate knows Callen is struggling to find reasons for Nell's behavior and figures clarifying that point is as good a place to start as any other. "You do realize that Nell can't explain why she is reacting the way she is most of the time either. The whole stepford whatever reference you made earlier...," he watches until he sees recognition on the smaller man's face. "that is her default. Her brain's way of protecting itself. So these reactions you are seeing from her, they are automatic. They date back to a time when the only reason she was functioning was because of this default mode."

"I need to know what the hell happened to her, Nate." Callen locks eyes with the man in front of him hoping for an explanation, but knowing in his heart of hearts it won't happen.

Nate offers a sad smile, "You know I can't tell you anything, Callen." He observes the lack of reaction and knows Callen already anticipate what Nate's response would be. Regarding the man in front of him, he pauses before speaking again, "Tell me about that night Callen." Seeing his reaction, the psychologist clarifies, "When you got the call from Nell. When she was attacked. Walk me through it."

Nate listens silently as Callen gives the details of the case like he's reading Nate in for a consult of sorts. Knowing Callen won't go into personal details without being pushed, he interrupts. "You do realize I know all the facts of the case, right?" He watches as Callen tries to ignore the underlying meaning of Nate's words, "I have read the files. A few times actually." Leaning forward to emphasis his point, "Tell me about you, Callen. Not the facts and details. Not what you did during the investigation. I can get that from the papers in the file." Moving back to put some distance between them, "Tell me what you were feeling, Callen."  
>Callen shifts uncomfortably in his seat as he tries to come up with a generic answer, "I was worried, Nate." He locks eyes with the man in front of him before looking away, "What do you want me to say Nate? That I was more scared than I had a right to be. That seeing her against the wall of her bedroom holding a gun at my chest with that look on her face made me feel completely helpless More than I have ever felt in my entire life." Callen takes a ragged breath in, "Jesus, Nate. What exactly do you want to hear?" With that, he rises to his feet while throwing some money on the table and walks towards the parking lot.<p>

Nate shakes his head and laughs slightly under his breath. Rising to join his friend's retreating figure, Nate steels himself for what is coming next. As he comes alongside Callen, "You do realize I'm your ride. What with Sam going back to ops and all."  
>Callen looks up at his friend, "You do realize I can call a cab, right?"<p>

Nate laughs and nods his head as he walks past Callen, "But you won't." He walks over to his car and takes a seat in the driver's side as he waits for Callen to appear. Nate is well aware that Callen effectively broke the moment by walking away, which was the man's intent, but he is also all too aware that Callen has work to do if he is going to be able to work through any of this with Nell. Knowing Callen still has to face himself before he can face Nell, Nate decides to take a slightly different approach.

Pulling up to their destination, Callen simply shakes his head before getting out of the car. Of course he couldn't just drop it Callen thought to himself. He knows what Nate is doing and he appreciates the man's talent. He really does, but he just doesn't want to get into his feelings about the whole fiasco. He just wants to know what he needs to do to help Nell. He wants Nate to convince him that being around Nell isn't going to do more harm than good. Despite his talk with Sam, Callen still isn't so sure he is in any position to be beneficial to her recovery.

"Why are we here Nate?" He takes in the front lawn of his own house. He has no idea what angle Nate is working at this point and, frankly, he isn't sure he is up to finding out.

"Aren't you going to invite me in, Callen?" Letting his gaze fall to the ground before stepping forward and retrieving his keys from his pocket, Callen moves towards the front door unlocking it in one swift motion. He stands aside and lets Nate walk in first.

It's been quite awhile since he has stepped foot in own house and he tries to block just how cold it feels compared the safe house. He looks over at Nate, "Would you like something to drink? Maybe have a seat..." Callen looks around as if just remembering his lack of furniture and shrugs, "or not." He finally turns to face the man in front of him, "Why are we here?"

Nate regards Callen for a moment before speaking, "I am actually wondering why you aren't here." He sees the look of confusion and continues, "Why haven't you come back to your own home since you found Nell?"

Callen sticks to the obvious answer, "I needed to work the case."

Playing along for the moment Nate pushes forward, "Why?"

"The case was a bit time consuming and there wasn't really any down time."

Nate answers quickly. "And when there was down time, why not come home?"

Callen knows the answers Nate wants to hear, but he isn't willing to give anything else up so easily. Hell, everyone close to them knows how he feels about Nell. He just is not interested in going into any of that with Nate. "Because Nell needed protection."

"And you were the only one who could protect her, Callen? Come on, even I know better than that." He knows this banter can go back and forth all night without anything clear answers being handed over. "Why are you so determined to not talk about how all of this affected you, Callen?"

"Why are you so hell-bent on making me talk about how this affected me? At the end of the day, I'm not really the one that needs my brain picked apart." Callen takes a breath as if preparing to say something else before he abruptly turns and walks down the hall. Nate knows Callen has to work through his guilt about what happened and, in turn, Nate needs to get to the bottom of why Callen feels so guilty. None of the events could have been stopped, so why is Callen putting so much of the responsibility of this madman on himself.

He walks down the hallway that Callen had taken seconds before, "I care about her Nate. More than I should. I had feelings for her before..., he pauses without finishing the sentence. "But I also knew it couldn't go anywhere. No way could I ask her to delve into the mess that is my life. Then all this happened and I couldn't walk away. The only thing I could do was try to help her through this mess. Let her know that I was going to be there by her side. No matter what." Callen turns so his back is to Nate, "and I couldn't even manage that."

That was the last thing he expected Callen to say. He has read all the files. Poured over all the notes. Talked to Hetty more than once. Nate knows Callen did everything and more to be there for Nell. How does Callen not see that? What the hell was he missing.

Nate speaks softly hoping his voice will not pull Callen from the depths of where he is finally allowing himself to fall, "From what I understand, you barely ate. You never stepped foot into your own home. You slept even less than you typically do. You put your entire life on hold for her, Callen. For Nell." Nate takes a moment before he speaks again, "You did everything you could to be there her Callen. How can you think otherwise?"

Keeping his back to the man probing his psyche, "Because, at the end of all of it, I'm the reason she's breaking. The rest of it doesn't matter." He turns to face Nate, "How can you think anything other than that right now? You've seen her. You heard what she said to me. Saw the look in her eyes."

Nate places his hand on Callen's shoulder, "I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt, this is not your fault Callen. She is trying to sort everything out in her mind. Trying to figure out how to deal with something that she has never allowed herself to handle before now. She's scared. And scared people lash out the most at the people that they know can help them. It's a pretty basic defense mechanism, you know that." Nate waits for Callen to look at him before continuing, "She needs you Callen. More than she even realizes right now."

Callen moves away from the man in front of him and laughs more bitterly than he intended. "I wish that were true, Nate." He shakes his head, "You have no idea how much I wish that were true." Nate steps around to face Callen once again, but before he can open his mouth to speak his words are interrupted, "You know the night I called you?" Nate nods slightly unsure where Callen is going with this change in direction. "Ask Nell about that night, Nate. And then tell me how I'm the one she needs." With those words, Callen moves swiftly out the front door and Nate knows it won't do him any good to push him anymore right now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes – Obviously not mine….just dreaming.**

** Here we go again! I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. It seems Nate has almost become more of a main character in this journey than Nell or Callen. I promise though, they will be making a comeback soon. Once the backstory is more established, then it will focus more on Nell and Callen; how they will learn to deal with Nell's past as individuals and whether they can come together as a couple.**

** Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, put this story on alert, or favorite it. I really do enjoy hearing your thoughts and am happy to listen to whatever you are feeling in regards to the journey. Please feel free to give ideas, criticisms, questions, or encouragement at any point. **

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Walking back in to the building, Nate takes a moment to just observe. The hustle and bustle is in full swing and makes him slightly nostalgic. Make no mistake, being an agent is definitely where he wants to be; however, he misses the closeness of the people who work in the building he is currently occupying. The team had been his family for so long and there are days where he knows it wouldn't take much to convince him to come home to stay. He feels a slight sting as he realizes just how much he has become a visitor in the place that had once been his domain. Even though the team has remained the same, there were now faces around the hallways that he doesn't recognize at all

He wanders down the expanse and settles on the familiar banter he hears ahead of him. Smiling, he watches the exchange between the two people he has yet to encounter since his return this time. Nate approaches the two and waits to be noticed.

"OW! Geez Kens, what is up with you today?" Deeks rubs his forehead and retrieves the offending object from where it landed on floor after being catapulted by his partner.

Kensi offers her customary look of exasperation, "Really, Deeks? It was a pen. No way could it have hurt that bad." She leans back in her chair as she folds her arms across her chest waiting for his response.

"You could have done permanent damage, you know! What if it had been a little further south? What then, huh? How exactly would you have explained a pen in my eye to Hetty?" While the initial hit from the pen hurt only because of the surprise factor, Deeks is now fully committed to egging Kensi on by continuing the exchange.

Kensi rolls her eyes just as expected. "Oh my god, Deeks. Seriously!? It was a pen. You are such a baby! I bet even Sam's daughter would have taken it better than you."

Deeks shoots her an offended look, "Did you seriously just compare me to a kid? As in a kid would have taken the projectile to their forehead without complaining."

"If the comparison fits…" Kensi looks over at him smirking. "I'm just saying. I think if Sam's daughter were in your place, the whining factor would have been much lower."

Before Deeks can respond, a third voice join the conversation. "My daughter would not have whined at all. She would have simply launched it back. Probably with more accuracy than you, Deeks."

Kensi smiles triumphantly while Deeks sighs loudly as they both look over in the direction of Sam. Seeing movement near Sam, Deeks spots the other visitor before Kensi and raises to his feet, "Nate!" He moves swiftly to a spot directly in front of him pulling the tall man in for a quick hug. "How long have you been back?"

Nate returns the affection and smiles as they separate. Before he can respond, Kensi is enveloping him in a hug as well. Though no words are spoken she asks the same question with her eyes. "Not long. I see nothing has changed here." He smiles at the familiarity as he rubs his hand along Kensi's arm. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He sees her ever expressive eyes answer with a yes before he adds, "In private." It came out as more of a statement than he had intended, though truth be told he hadn't anticipated her refusing to speak with him. Looking over at Sam, "We'll be in the conference room upstairs if anyone needs her." He watches as Sam nods in affirmation and takes note of the slightly apprehensive look Kensi gives Deeks before they make their way to the stairs.

They walk in silence to the room with Nate opening the door and gesturing for Kensi to go in first. Even though he is certain she is aware of why he is summoning her, he can't help but feel there is an underlying tension that shouldn't be present. "Have a seat." He pulls out the chair as she comes around and he waits for her to comply. After she sits, Nate walks around to the other side of the long table so he can be seated across from her. "How have you been Kensi?" He sees the look of slight confusion on her face and chuckles slightly. "It's not a trick question. Just a friend asking a friend how she is faring in light of everything that has been happening over the last few weeks." Kensi visibly relaxes and he makes a mental note to ask about it later. Right now, his focus needs to be on Nell and Callen.

She smiles softly before raising her eyes to meet his, "Good, Nate. I've been good." She sees the slight shift of his head to the left and matches it. "Really, Nate. I'm doing fine." She sits back in the chair and crossing her arms over her chest. After half a minute of Nate just watching her, "Is there something specific you want to ask me?"

Nate leans forward as he laughs lightly, "Ever on guard I see." Knowing she is going to need more information before she is going to speak freely, he continues. "Hetty called me and asked if I could come and talk with Nell. It seems she feels ready to come back to work and Hetty wants my opinion on that readiness." He watches as Kensi's eyes falter slightly and takes note of her unspoken opinion. "So, I'm talking with everyone. Reading the files. Getting myself caught up on everything that happened. Which brings me to you."

Kensi takes a moment to consider her words before speaking, "I'm not sure how much help I will be Nate. You should probably talk to Callen. He was with her more than any of us."

Nate admires her loyalty and knows Kensi is the last person to throw anyone's capabilities under the bus. He also knows that Kensi spent some one-on-one time with Nell and he needs to know her opinion of everything that happened. "I need you to take me through it Kensi. Not the stuff in the paperwork. Anything that may help me figure out Nell's state of mind, both then and now."

Standing up to walk across the room, Kensi takes a moment to stare out the window before talking. She outlines what happened and how she thinks Nell is responding to what is going on. Kensi finally takes a seat as she utters one last statement. "Overall, she reacted as well as any of us would have had we been in the same kind of situation. Especially considering her past history with the guy." She pauses and Nate knows she is holding something back. After he fixes his eyes on her for a moment, she takes a breath, "Most of the time she was right on cue, but there were moments that I wasn't sure where Nell even was." This statement peaks Nate's curiosity.

He leans forward, "How do you mean?" Nate knows he has seen this transformation of sorts, but was not aware that she had seemed completely unlike herself around anyone other than Callen and himself.

"I don't know." Kensi closes her eyes as if trying to replay the moments in her own mind. "It's like she was another person, I guess. She looked like Nell, but she didn't sound like her at all." Locking eyes with the man in front of her, "Have you watched the footage of the interrogation with Herrold? When she came in the room?"

Nate shakes his head, "I wasn't given any video footage. I got the files with all the paperwork and pictures, but no video. Eric had the cameras on for that interrogation?" He knew the cameras were remotely operated and they didn't stay on at all times, but he was a bit confused as to why the footage would have been left out of the information passed to him. He didn't question it much because of the sensitive nature of the interrogation. The fact that it was intimately connected to one of their own. He just assumed Hetty did not want anything on tape that could be accessed by other people later as a way to protect anything said about Nell.

"Yea, it was definitely recorded." Nate gives her a slight look of confusion questioning how she is so certain of the fact. "I have this habit of looking up at the camera and the light was on. It had to have been recorded, otherwise there wouldn't have been a light." She takes a minute before speaking again. "It's hard to describe. I just figured seeing it for yourself would help."

Nate nods his head and makes a mental note to search out Eric after he finishes talking with Kensi. "Did anyone else see this behavior from Nell?"

Kensi thinks for a moment before answering the man in front of her. "Deeks may have. They were together for a bit of time after she showed up at the pub. He might be able to give you something as well." She watches as Nate processes the information before speaking one last time, "You're really worried about her, aren't you?"

He looks over at Kensi catching her gaze firmly on him, "To some extent, yea I am. It's probably not for the reasons you think though. And it probably isn't as bad as you think it is." The look on Kensi's face spurs him on, "She is trying to process a lot…," he pauses for a moment, "or trying not to process a lot it seems. She just needs some time to get everything in her head figured. I have no doubt she will be just fine." Nate reaches out to pat Kensi's hand before getting up and walking out of the room leaving the young woman alone with her thoughts.

Nate decides to search out Deeks before going to Eric for the footage from the interrogation. He still has to settle in his mind how Eric thought it would be helpful to leave out such an important part of the investigation. Being able to see her transformation of sorts on video is a powerful tool in his quest to help her heal, but he also knows Eric may well see it as a hindrance to her. Or maybe Nell asked him not to share it and he is complying out of loyalty to his friend.

Having reached the bottom of the stairs, Nate sets the questions aside for later as he makes his way to the bullpen area. Seeing Deeks working quietly on some papers, "I'm sure Hetty would be pleased as punch to see you working on those."

Deeks looks up with a half grin on his face, "Pleased as punch? Is that what they're teaching in whatever field you are hanging out in nowadays?" He sits back against his chair moving his hands to clasp behind his head as he waits for a response.

"Yea, Deeks. That was my first lesson when I arrived. How'd you know?" The two men laugh for a second before Nate gestures with his head that it is the detective's turn to join him for a conversation. As they turn to head up the stairs, Nate's body makes contact with another's. "Sorry…" His words are cut off when he sees the person in front of him, "Callen. What are you doing here?"

Callen smirks for a second and Nate can't help but revel in the man's ability to pretend nothing happened earlier. "Don't worry, I'm not here officially. Just using the firing range and maybe the gym." He looks over at his partner who is just returning to his desk, "And make sure my team is still intact with this guy in charge and all." Looking over at the large man, "Your ass still intact Sam?"

Sam shoots his partner a look, "You do realize your obsession with my ass is bordering on creepy, right?" The three men laughed while Deeks looks on confused.

"I'm pretty sure I do not want to know what that's all about." Looking at Nate, "Ready doc?" Deeks moves up the stairs knowing Nate will follow. Rounding the corner, he moves towards the conference room and is taking a seat at the long table just as Nate comes through the door. He watches as the man sits across from him and takes a breath before speaking, "Lemme guess. You wanna talk about Nell." He had intended on approaching the conversation with the same light banter he enjoys when conversing with others, but he is all too aware of the difference in the young woman and, frankly speaking, it scares him more than he cares to admit.

Nate nods his head slowly surprised by the level of seriousness he Deeks is maintaining. It only makes the situation that much more surreal. The fact they are all discussing Nell in the manner they are without her being present is definitely not anyone's idea of a good time. No one feels comfortable investigating one of their own. The investigation into her attack was different. At least that is how Nate is choosing to process it. They obviously needed to investigate everything there, but this next step just seems like they are treading on a fine line and no one wants to be the first to cross that invisible barrier even though everyone involved knows are crucial it is.

Deeks locks eyes with the man in front of him, "You're worried, aren't you. I mean more than just hey Nell is a friend and this is a little out of character for her. You really think there is more happening with her." He sits back and watches as Nate schools his reaction to the words spoken.

He sees Deeks smile slightly as Nate pushes aside a reaction and knows the man caught the shift. "I just need all the information, Deeks. Kensi said Nell's reaction were pretty spot on in most cases, but in other instances she seemed…," he pauses as he searches for the right descriptor.

"Like someone else?" His head raises to meet Deeks' eyes and nods in response. "Yea, I mean obviously she is going to be different, right? That's all normal and we've seen it more than once. Hell, we've experienced it ourselves more than once." Deeks leans back, "But, yea there were definitely times when she seemed just way too far out there."

Nate watches as Deeks gathers his memories and waits for him to continue, "She kept slipping out of her detail and disappearing. She would pop up out of nowhere. And the way she went head-to-head with Callen. I'm telling you, she was relentless. Don't get me wrong it was pretty impressive to watch, but it definitely was above what I would have expected."

Nate interrupts the flow, "Those situations could be attributed to the stress though. She was upset, felt out of control, and that was her way of giving herself some sort of hold on the situation." Leaning back to match Deeks' stance, "What about after the pub? After everything happened and you went after her. How was she then?"

"Uhm…," He takes a moment to think back, "quiet. I don't remember her actually saying a word, but damn, that girl has speed. I mean I run every day and I'm out there in the field, but I had a hard time catching up to her and when I did, it was like she wasn't even tired." He stops talking for a moment, "Honestly, Callen would be a better one to talk with because he went to talk with after we got back to OSP. He could probably tell you more about how she was reacting than I can."

"Kensi said I should watch the tape of the interrogation. Did you know it was being recorded?" The look on his face answers the question without any words being spoken, "I wasn't aware of any video footage and Eric never offered it when I got everything else."

Deeks offers a sad smile, "He had a really rough go of it Nate. And honestly, we all kinda forgot about him during the investigation." Deeks looks down at his hands trying to cover his discomfort with how little attention they paid to the tech. "Things were so crazy and we spent so much time following every possible angle that Eric just seemed to fall under the radar." Nate tips his head slightly to the side as he listens, "I talked with him a bit and, I have to say, I think the whole thing hit him harder than he has been willing to admit. We both know its one thing to see all this when you are dealing with people you don't know, but this is Nell. He and Nell are pretty close. Maybe he thinks he is protecting her by not showing the video to anyone?"

Nate nods his head before rising to his feet and shaking Deeks' hand. "I guess I'm about to find out." Deeks follows him out the door and starts down the stairs before giving one last look over his shoulder in Nate's direction. Seeing him enter the ops center, Deeks silently hopes Eric's decision to withhold the footage doesn't end up causing more trouble than he must have imagined would result.

The swoosh of the doors alert Eric to someone entering and he turns hoping that it might be Nell. He is aware she is not even close to being ready to return, but he selfishly wishes she were. Things have not been terribly busy in her absence which has made things much easier for everyone involved, but they have worked together long enough that Eric hadn't even realized just how much she does on a daily basis that has now fallen into his hands. And he just misses having her.

Seeing Nate, Eric immediately rises to his feet. "Hey. How is Nell doing?"

"She's doing as well as expected. It's going to be a bit of a road for her." Nate watches the man nod, "How about you, Eric? How are you doing?" While Eric doesn't possess the natural ability to school his reactions, Nate knows that spending as much time around the team as he does gives him the ability to pick up on the skill. Seeing the man's hesitation to talk, "I know I said you could let me know when you wanted to talk and that still holds true, but I am going to need you to be honest with me about something." He locks eyes with the tech, "Whether you want to or not."

After clearing the room, Nate turns back to face Eric. "I need you to pull up the video footage of Herrold's interrogation." Watching his face blanch Nate knows he isn't going to deny the existence of the video, but he also sees Eric is not moving to access it either. "Now, Eric."

Eric swallows hard and then moves the computer behind him. He sits in silence as he types in several commands before pausing to ask a question, "How did you know there was footage?" He looks over at the man beside him before quickly turning back towards the screen. "Never mind. Stupid question. Hetty knows. Of course, she always knows everything. Not sure why I thought this would go unnoticed." He pauses for a brief second before his face falls, "Oh, man. She's gonna kill me, isn't she? I mean everyone knows nothing gets by Hetty, but I really thought had. I mean the burying the video thing. She never asked, so I just thought maybe she didn't know."

Eric hears a loud sigh from the man beside him and turns his chair to face him, "Wait. She doesn't know?" Nate gives no response, but the tech continues. "Then who told you?"

Nate places a hand on Eric's shoulder, "That doesn't really matter right now, Eric. Does it?" He nods to the screen indicating Eric should start the footage. Eric does as he is asked sitting back in the chair as the screen comes to life. The two men watch in silence as the scenes unfold in front of them.

An alert from another computer sends Eric out of his chair and over to the source leaving Nate alone with the video. His concentration is broken by Eric's voice, "Oh that is not good. Not good at all." Nate turns to inquire, but is met with Eric's retreating form. He pushes pause on the screen in front of him and moves to find Eric on the stairwell releasing an ear-piercing sound from his mouth. How he can manage that sound without an actual whistle is beyond Nate.

Without a word being spoken, the team is on their feet and heading up the stairs. Nate follows the well-oiled machine reveling, once again, in how much he misses being a part of the process. Coming back into ops, Nate takes note that Callen has joined them and positions himself directly beside the man. "Callen, what are you doing in here?"

Callen offers one of his famous smiles before speaking, "Just along for the ride, Nate. Purely from a see what I can contribute standpoint." Seeing Callen so relaxed in the moment makes Nate question whether it would be prudent to release him for active duty in the field. Maybe it is just what Callen needs while he works out his responsibility, or lack thereof, in what is currently happening with Nell. Before he can speak, Hetty appears in the room. She nods to Eric giving him the go-ahead just as she herself notices Callen's presence in the room. However, seeing Nate standing directly to his left and knowing Nate won't allow him to be involved before he is ready, Hetty doesn't say anything.

"After William Herrold was transferred to the federal prison system, I put a tag on his case. The alert is set up to let us know everything that happens in regards to him or his case." Looking around the room, "It is also designed to alert us if he has any visitors." The agents all shift and stand a little taller knowing that Eric would not have called them in the room for anything routine.

"Aside from the usual visitors like lawyers, shrinks, and religious groups, everything has been quiet with him." He turns to face the team as he pulls up a photo on the large screen in the front of the room, "Until today."


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Notes – I cannot claim any ownership of NCIS:LA or any of its characters.**

** I apologize for the delay in updating. I had this chapter finished last week, but had not gone back through to catch mistakes or make corrections. My intent was to finish it before my crew finished school for the holiday break, but that obviously did not happen! On a personal note, it was a nice holiday break and I enjoyed having all of my kids under one roof again. We took the oldest back to college on Sunday and I have to say, the house is definitely different as we all go back to our typical routines.**

** I am going to guess some readers are feeling a little put off by the lack of Callen/Nell interaction so far. Honestly, it was not my intent to feature Nate or the rest of the team this much but it seems to be where the muse is leading me. I am currently working on a chapter that will be solely Callen and Nell. I am not certain if it will be the next one, but it is definitely in the works. **

** I am spending this week focusing on writing and hope to have the updates back to weekly. However, I say this knowing full well just how much things can shift. **

** Thank you to everyone who has liked, favorites and/or followed this story. Also, I encourage comments…good or bad. It really does help the process to know what the audience is thinking about the flow. **

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"What the hell!" The sentiment isn't lost on anyone else in the room Callen is the first to vocalize the feeling. "What would have made Nell go there?" All eyes turn to Nate as they try to reason in their own minds what would have happened to send her in the direction of a man who was the cause of all the turmoil in her life.

Nate watches as each team member seemingly braces themselves for some psychological explanation. Knowing there is little point in going into the ins and outs of why, he opts for a much simpler explanation that none of them are likely to be expecting. He also watches the array of reactions when he finally speaks, "That would be because of me." He sees everything from confusion to disbelief to anger flit across the faces of those around him before he settles his gaze on Callen.

Callen turns to face the man beside him and levels Nate with a look that the psychologist is unsure how to decipher or, if he were honest with himself, wants to decipher. "Why would you tell her to go see Herrold?" Nate is familiar enough with the Callen to know the man is schooling his reaction, which only makes the situation much more volatile in Nate's opinion. At least if he let the anger flow, the risk of explosion would be lessened.

Nate understands how it must seem to those in the room; however, he also knows the conversation did not happen how they are all imagining it did. He didn't tell her to go see Herrold. That was simply how she chose to spin the statement. A statement that he regretted saying almost as soon as it left his mouth, but he was also aware it was out there and he could do nothing to change that fact. He had hoped that by ignoring the underlying interpretation, Nell would choose not to act on the idea that may have been planted in her head. Obviously, he was wrong.

Addressing Callen directly, "I didn't tell her to go see Herrold." He watches as Callen crosses his arms tightly across his chest and tips his head to the side while shooting him a look that definitely cannot be misinterpreted. "I mentioned to her that the only person who could give her some of the answers she was looking for was Herrold." As Callen takes a step towards him, "Which I would have obviously suggested we discuss before she actually followed through with the conversation if I had thought she was seriously considering the notion."

Callen uncrosses his arms and looks to the floor for a second before his hands come to rest on his hips, "You had to know that even suggesting it was a bad idea, Nate. Seriously. Nothing good will ever come from her seeing that man again. Especially now." Now it is Nate's turn to tilt his head to the side and counter a look of his own that he hopes needs no explanation.

"You do realize that eventually she will need to confront him, Callen. That will be an vital part of her healing process. The ability to look him in the eyes and demand answers to questions only he can answer." Nate stands taller as he watches Callen shift his position to a more aggressive stance. He is more than aware of Callen's need to protect Nell and he is also aware that Callen is nowhere near ready to hear that a confrontation with Herrold is something that Nell will definitely need, but it is important that all the cards are on the table and everyone is aware of the steps everyone will need to take.

Callen comes to rest directly in front of Nate, "Like hell she needs to confront him. In case you missed something while you were reviewing the material Hetty gave you, Nell already confronted him once and I can tell you firsthand, it was not anything that needs repeated."

Nate, matching Callen's stance and tone, "Actually Callen, I have gotten through the paperwork." He pauses for a moment before locking eyes with the agent in from of him, "As well as the video."

Callen reacts immediately closing the space between them, "This isn't a conversation we are going to have again, Nate. I hope like hell, for your sake, Nell didn't actually follow through with this idea to see Herrold because nothing good can come from a visit with…"

Nate interrupts the words flowing out of Callen's mouth, "It isn't your decision to make Callen." He knows the words will not be received well and braces himself for what he is sure will be a physical reaction from the man in front of him.

Just as Callen moves to react, Nate sees Sam behind him pulling him towards the exit. "C'mon man. Let's take a second here." Sam has him out the door with little effort before Callen can protest. Nate lets out a breath he just realized he had been holding and turns to face the rest of the team waiting for another barrage of questions and opinions.

Hetty interrupts the silence with an authoritative tone, "Mr. Beale, find out if a meeting actually occurred and access the footage if it did indeed. I want to know everything that was said and done in that room." She watches the young man nod and turn his chair before another thought enters her mind, "Pull up her GPS and send the information to Mr. Deeks and Ms. Blye before you look through the records from the prison." Turning to the partners, "Find Ms. Jones and bring her back here." The two nod before disappearing out the automatic doors.

Turning to Nate, "Mr. Getz, please join me in the conference room." Without another word, she turns and walks through the doors knowing Nate will follow without anything else being said. She walks quickly to the conference replaying the conversation between Callen and Nate in her head as she rounds the corner. Opening the door, she takes a seat and waits the moment it takes for Nate to walk into the room.

Sitting across from the small woman, Nate waits for Hetty to start the conversation. He isn't sure which part of the last several minutes Hetty wants to discuss, but he is fairly certain there are several points that need clarification. Watching as she leans back and settles her gaze on him, Nate silently wonders if she went to some sort of specialized training for intimidation or if it just comes naturally.

After giving him a couple minutes to feel uncomfortable, "Mr. Getz, it seems there are some things we need to discuss. Would you agree?" Nate nods his head, but remains silent. "Let's start with your thoughts on Nell confronting Mr. Herrold. While I agree the man has answers that no one else has, is it really necessary to place Ms. Jones in front of him?"

Nate takes a breath knowing his opinion is in minority at this juncture. "Hetty, it will be something that Nell will have to decide down the road." He speaks quietly under his breath, "If she hasn't already." Hetty gives the man a pointed look. "Obviously I spoke without thinking the last time I saw her." Nate looks over in Hetty's direction, "And I should have clarified the statement with her more clearly."

Leaning forward, "Do you think she saw him today, Mr. Getz or is it possible she chose to wait after the request was made?"

"Anything is possible, Hetty. I can confirm there is some part of her that wants to see him. She wants that closure, but I'm not sure she realizes just how difficult it is going to be for her. I think Herrold is going to mess with her head and, in her current state of mind, nothing positive will come from a confrontation. Callen was right about that."

Hetty nods knowingly, "Speaking of Mr. Callen. Tell me, Mr. Getz, who told you about the video footage of the interrogation?"

Nate pauses for moment trying to decide how to approach the answer. He decides to try a question of his own, "Did you know about the footage, Hetty?" Nate leans back watching the reaction of the woman in front of him in some attempt to determine just how much she knew.

Hetty offers a smile, "Mr. Getz, is that really a question that needs asked?" The man in front of her watches her reaction looking for any indication that she did not know about the existence of the footage and is not surprised to find the revelation of the video was not news to her. "And now you wish to know why I did not tell you about the recording." She waits for confirmation from the psychologist. "Because there was no need, Mr. Getz." She puts a hand up to stop the interruption she knows is coming, "It simply shows a traumatized woman trying to keep what has been a long covered secret just that. Secret. I'm not so sure anyone else would have reacted any differently given the history."

Nate takes a breath as he processes the information. He locks eyes with the woman in front of him before speaking, "Have you watched the footage?" After seeing the confirmation he really didn't need. "Hetty, it also shows a very definitive break in character, which is expected, but goes beyond what can be considered normal. The calmness in her voice. The accusation against Callen. All those things are just a fraction of what shows just how far removed from reality she was at that point."

"Perhaps Mr. Getz." She leans forward placing her arms on the table between them, "Which is one of the many reasons you are here. To help her process what happened. To pull her back to reality."

Nate stands up, "You make it sound much easier than it is going to be, Hetty." He walks towards the door, "unfortunately for everyone involved, the first step has to come from Nell. And I'm not sure if this encounter with Herrold actually happened, but I can assure you if she did indeed speak with the man what little progress she may or may not have made will be erased." He looks to the ground as his voice drops in volume to almost a whisper, "And, for that, I take full responsibility."

Before he can exit the room, Eric appears in the doorway. "You guys need to get to ops immediately." The man disappears as quickly as he appeared leaving the two remaining to exchange glances before joining him. The doors open and close without a glance in their direction, "So Nell never made it to the prison. Herrold was moved into a private visitation room per the request of Agent Nell Jones. They waited for close to twenty minutes and then moved him back into his cell after being unable to get ahold of Nell."

The two watch as various items pop up on the screen in front of them breaking gaze only when the automatic doors open once again. Nate looks over to see the team appear in the room as Eric continues talking, "The request came in an hour beforehand and, since it was a federal agent, they never even questioned the request. No one there knows Nell's connection, so they simply followed standard procedure. The reason she gave was to gather information." Eric turns to another computer at his left as new material pops up at his command. "I pinged the GPS in her car to figure out where she was like you asked Hetty. I sent Deeks and Kensi to the location which happened to be the safe house."  
>The two agents step forward as Kensi speaks, "When we got to the house Nell's car was in the driveway. We did a quick sweep of the front before knocking on the door. After we didn't get an answer, I used the key Callen had given me during the investigation. No one was there."<p>

Deeks takes the reins, "Nell's purse and phone were on the table along with her keys. She didn't take any of it with her." Looking over in Hetty's direction, "Guessing she doesn't really want to be found right now and she knew that we would track her."

Eric picks up the conversation without so much as a look in their direction, "I have been searching the local car rental places as well as taxi services and no one has been near the address." He turns to face the team for the first time, "I have no idea where she is and, frankly speaking, I won't find her until she wants me to."

Callen's first reaction is to place blame squarely on the man who suggested the idea in the first place; however, after talking with Sam, he knows that is just a knee-jerk reaction that is unfounded. The thought of Nell alone in the state of mind she is currently in scares the hell out of him and he has to take several breaths to center himself. He is all too aware of the gravity of the situation, but he also knows he needs to trust the people around him. The people who are just as worried as he is and who are just as willing to place their lives on the line for this young woman. He has to find a way to let everyone do their part.

As if reading his mind, Hetty's voice breaks the silence just as it has in so many other instances. "Mr. Beale, keep searching. Let us know when you find something." The tech takes a deep breath and turns back to his computer. He knows it is necessary to keep looking, but he is equally knowledgeable of Nell's capabilities. And the fact that he won't find anything she does not want him to find.

"Ms. Blye. Mr. Deeks. Anything that may have indicated where she was going? Something that may be found on further inspection perhaps?" The pair, understanding the unsaid order, move out of the ops center to head back to the safe house. None of them enjoy this part, but it is a necessary step in the process. It just seems all they have done lately is sift through Nell's personal life and, instead of getting easier, it is just getting harder.

"Mr. Hanna. Help Mr. Beale with the search. Go through her previous aliases. Find her." Sam nods his head as he sits in front of a computer near Eric and gets busy searching. Turning to the remaining people in the room, "Mr. Callen. Mr. Getz. Go to the conference room." Before Callen can object, "Put your heads together and figure this out. Now. There has to have been something Ms. Jones said to either of you or did that will point us in the direction we need to be going." She walks out of the room before either man can protest.

Nate catches Callen's gaze and gestures towards the door. The taller man follows him out of the room and around the corner to the conference room. Taking a seat at the large table, Nate tries to remember a time when he has ever utilized this room so much. He watches as Callen makes his way across the room and stands still in front of a series of screens.

With his back still towards Nate, "You know this is where Nell watched that man as he threatened one of the girls he was holding. She saw the images of the women beaten and bruised." Callen turns towards the man seated at the table, "You know what he said to me?" He pauses as he shakes his head. "I don't think I will ever be able to erase those words. Especially once I realized Nell had heard him." Callen looks down at his hands, "He said it was a shame he was going to have to kill the girl before he even got a chance to enjoy her." Locking eyes with Nate, "Before he could compare her to Nell. His Nell."

The men maintain eye contact for a brief second before Nate interrupts the silence, "Tell me something you learned about Nell throughout this whole ordeal. Something you didn't know." Nate puts his hand out in an invitation to sit at the table hoping he can get Callen to think about some of the positives he and Nell experienced. "Please Callen, sit."

The older man hesitates for a moment before taking a seat at the table across from Nate. "Why?" Callen really isn't interested in a trip down memory lane at this point; he just wants to find Nell. "How is this going to help us figure out where Nell has gone?"

Nate smiles at Callen, "Just humor me, Callen." He leans forward when Callen fails to speak. "You need to focus on something positive Callen. Every time we have spoken you are so busy taking all this blame on yourself. Like this whole ordeal is somehow about you." He waits until Callen looks up before continuing, "Let me assure you it is not. The sooner you can start focusing on what things you did right, the sooner you can start to forgive yourself and heal." Nate realizes none of the words he just spoke will convince Callen to play along. "Besides, Hetty told us to think back through anything that may lead us to where Nell is and repeating the same process certainly isn't giving us any answers. Maybe if we stop looking for clues in her words, they will simply appear."

Callen takes another moment to watch the man in front of him before inhaling deeply, "Alright Nate. I'll bite." He let himself drift for a moment before settling on something. "She plays the piano. Beautifully, I might add." He smiles softly as he thinks back through their time together. The longer the two men spend sharing stories, the less Callen thinks about actively trying to dissect each interaction he has had with Nell over the last couple weeks. Callen gets a big grin on his face, "I also found out Nell loves street fairs." He talks to Nate about the experience he had watching her reactions to all the things she saw. In the midst of his reminiscing, Callen jumps up. "That's it!" Before Nate can respond, Callen is out the door with his keys in hand. As he makes his way out the door to follow him, Nate hears Callen shout something about calling when he finds something out.

Making his way down the stairs towards the bullpen, "Something you want to share with the class Nate cause we got nothing. Total bust going through all of Nell's stuff. Bad enough to do it in the first place, but even worse to come up empty. Appears Callen…" His words trail off as the wad of paper hits him in the head. "Seriously Kens. Throwing things again." He catches sight of the look on her face and follows her gaze as it lands on the man who actually might have some answers.

Nate laughs at the exchange, "Not sure yet. Something popped into Callen's head while we were talking and he seemed pretty confident as he left." He looks amongst the team while shrugging his shoulders noncommittally, "Guess it's a wait and see game for now."


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's Notes – I hold no claim to NCIS:LA or any of its character. I do however hold claim to any original characters.**

** Surprise! I wrote this throughout the afternoon. Just kinda happened. I will apologize in advance for the lack of length. I was working on a chapter to incorporate my Callen/Nell interaction into, but got this instead! It should give a little insight into where Nell's head is currently and a little bit of background on her time after the initial attack by Herrold. I really felt that it should stand alone and did not want it mixed with other information or interactions. **

** Please read and review….let me know what you all think! **

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Walking along the sidewalk, Nell accesses an earlier time in her life. A time when the events of recent days were not at the forefront. Looking at the buildings and letting herself drift, Nell remembers the first time she stepped foot in the little town. The obscurity of it was what made her stay. Without even knowing, it was exactly what she had been searching for at the time. Even with the small town feel, the residents kept to themselves. It seemed to be the anti-thesis of what she had always heard about places such as this one; everyone will always be in your business. You will not be able to stay away from rumors or gossip. However, just a few days into her stay proved that old adage incorrect.

Walking along the throughway, Nell allows her gaze to follow along the storefronts on either side of her. It seems like a million years ago that she found herself walking along this same path. As if on cue, "Well be still my old eyes." Hearing the voice she turns and smiles sadly, "Is that really you, Marcy?" The use of the name brings back its own barrage of memories that she had somehow blocked the last time she had been here.

"Mr. Simons, how have you been?" She closes the distance between herself and older man before allowing herself to be enveloped in his embrace. Pulling back she allows him to run his gaze along her frame before stepping out of his personal space.

"Same ole, same ole. Nothing changes in this old place." He smiles at her, "Unless we want to count the young lady who appeared out of nowhere and stayed long enough to disappear without a word." The words aren't meant to sting, but they do nonetheless.

Nell reaches out to grasp his arm, "Life, Mr. Simons. You know how it is." He nods his head as if he has kept his own share of secrets through the years. "I had to get back to it at some point. I just couldn't bring myself to say goodbye. Too hard, I guess." She smiles and shifts her gaze towards the end of town. "Seems some things do change. I noticed a new restaurant has moved into old Miller place."

He smiles warmly at her. "Not really new if it was already here. It just got a new breath of life when McKenna took over. You remember the Foster's, dontcha? Their only daughter left to go to some fancy cooking school swearing she would never step foot back in this town again. Well, it seems she couldn't quite shake the place. Decided to come back with her fancy degree and new husband. They just had a baby a couple of months ago."

Nell shakes her head as she listens to the older man rambling on, "It's good to see you again Mr. Simons. I have certainly missed this place."

Locking eyes with the woman in front of him, "I still have your old room, ya know. Left it just as you had. Figured you might breeze back in someday and I didn't want to disturb your things." He steps closer before gently reaching out, "Seems the pull to this place is different for everyone. I can see the same sadness in your eyes." Reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a set of keys. Carefully removing a brass one, Mr. Simons hands it to Nell before settling his gaze on her once again. "Take as long as you need Marcy. No rush." With those final words, he turns and enters the small deli behind him.

Nell looks at the key as she fights back the tears pooling in her eyes. When she ended up here with Callen, she chalked it up to being a fluke. She hadn't returned in all the years that passed after that time. If she were honest with herself, Nell never had any intention of coming back. It wasn't that her time here was a bad memory. If anything, this place saved her life. This place and Mr. Simons. He was the first person who spoke to her and it seemed the old man was able to read her mind. Without ever asking questions, he offered a room above his deli to a total stranger. Even after Nell told him she had no way to pay him.

Nell spent the first the several days holed up in that small room. She only came down to get what little food she made herself eat. On the third or fourth day, Mr. Simons caught her coming back from a walk. It was the moment Nell realized just how instrumental the man would be in her recovery. Without any words from Nell, Mr. Simons seemed to know exactly stories to tell somehow reaching her in a place that she feared was never going to be accessed again. He never expected anything in return. Never once asked her where she was from or what happened to land her in a town full of strangers.

Walking up the back staircase, Nell allowed the guilt to wash over her. She really did feel badly for just leaving like that, but, in the end, she knew Mr. Simons would understand. But now. Walking up the steps towards a time long since passed, Nell isn't so sure the day she ended up here with Callen was a fluke. Maybe it was her mind's way of pushing her to a safe zone. A place that needed no words. No explanations. No one expected answers. She could just be.

Opening the door, she feels her breath disappear as she realizes just how serious Mr. Simons had been. Everything is literally just as she left it. Walking around the small space, she marvels at the site. Books still along the various surfaces. Blankets along the couch. Shoes gathering dust under the window sill that Nell remembers taking long runs in as she tried to regain control over her mind. Curiosity getting the best of her, she makes her way to the tiny kitchen. Opening the fridge, she smiles as she sees Mr. Simons left only those items that had no chance of expiring.

Coming back around the counter, she settles on the couch and takes a moment to gather her thoughts. Things are so jumbled right now. Every thought seems to be pulling her in a different direction. Just like all those years ago. When she had no control over her own mind and it felt like she had two people waging battle in her head. One pushing her towards recovery and the other hell-bent on destruction. And that realization scares the hell out of her. She remembers when she first came to this town. Just a few days after that incident. That small moment in her life that has had so many more repercussions than any other moment ever has. The fact that she is back here again tells her that some part of her mind wants to be where nothing will happen to her. Where she feels protected and safe like no other place. A place that symbolizes recovery over destruction. Even if that recovery was never complete.

She walks over to the small room off the living room and enters a tiny bedroom. It is literally big enough to hold a twin size bed and a couple small pieces of furniture. Nell is fairly certain it was probably a closet of some sort in another life. Looking at the bed, she sees a few clothing items folded neatly and immediately reaches for them. She laughs as she realizes they are the clothes that she slept in every night while she stayed here. When she left, it was as abrupt a decision as it had been to stay. Nell left everything that she did not have on her person when she drove out of the city limits.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, her mind immediately seizes on another thought. She left everything. Which means the bag is still there. Letting her gaze fall to the makeshift wardrobe cabinet, Nell closes her eyes tightly when feels a wave of panic fall over her body. Willing herself to change the view in her mind, she takes a shuttering breath as she removes her gun from the holster on her back. Laying it on the table beside the bed, Nell forces herself to lie back. Using techniques she has learned over the years, Nell forces herself to calm down. The last thought in her mind before she succumbs to sleep is if she will ever feel whole again.

**Additional Note – When I re-read What Now before starting this story, I made a list of notes of points I wanted to pull into this piece. My intent is to either clarify points or expand on seemingly significant things from the original story. **

**In reference to the town Nell drove Callen to in What Now, I literally wrote this – "Where did Nell drive them in what now...make it significant!"**

**I felt like Nell would not have ended up there on auto-pilot had the town not been significant in some way. As I wrote off the top of mind this afternoon, the above happened. It is important for me to tie things into this story and this seemed like a no-brainer to expand on.**

**And thus Mr. Simons was born. I see him as a grandfatherly type who has probably seen more than his fair share during his lifetime. **

**So there are my thoughts on this little blip. I encourage each and every one of you who are reading the story to review (or send me a message if you prefer) and let me know what things you would like to see clarification on in this story. Or even any points you feel could be expanded. **

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's Notes – NCIS:LA is not mine to claim.**

** Appears I'm on a roll this week. I had said I would be writing every day and I was serious about that fact! I have to say this chapter originally encompassed the next one as well, but it was really big so I decided to split them. The first three paragraphs were a complete pain in my a** to write. No clue why. I actually wrote the bulk of this yesterday, but the beginning just bugged me for some reason. I keep editing and editing without getting any satisfaction, so I opened a new page and started over. After the beginning didn't completely suck, I combined it with what I had already written. I honestly can't say I am over the moon with the result, but I have conceded defeat. **

** Thanks to everyone who has read this story! Also, thanks to those who are commenting, favoriting, and/or putting this story on alert! I wanted to say a quick thanks to Joy specifically. She (assumption on my part based on the name) posted under guest for a review, so I am unable to send her a personal message. Thanks for your words! I hope I do the story justice as the journey continues!**

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Rushing down the stairs and out the door of the seemingly decrepit old building, Callen's body shifts into an auto pilot mode honed after years of working in this crazy profession of his. He slides into the driver's seat and is on the highway before even registering in his mind where he is going. Knowing that getting overly analytical at this moment will only lead to second guessing, Callen allows himself to act on instinct. This ability to detach is the only way Callen knows for certain he will reach the destination he is moving towards. He has to allow his body to go where his mind instructs without his thought process getting in the way.

When he brought up the street fair to Nate, Callen suddenly remembered his notion that the town they had ended up in that day must have held some sort of significance in Nell's life. No one ends up somewhere at random. There is always a connection. Even Nell said she must have been an auto-pilot. The only way the location would have been that engrained in her psyche is if there was something of importance. Something that pulled her there. Her mind's way of putting her somewhere she felt safe. He had let it go that day. Filed it along with the other points he felt needed clarified.

Now, as he is inching closer to where his mind truly believes she has gone once again, Callen tries to put his mind to rest. As he re-focuses on the road, something instinctually tells him the direction is wrong. Driving for a couple more minutes, Callen confirms to himself he must have made a wrong turn because nothing looks familiar. Turning around, he re-traces his steps and is quickly back on the path he remembers from before. By the time he sees the sign for the town, it is almost dark. He is all too aware the odds of finding her at this hour are not very high, but something in him hopes that maybe this can be the first easy thing to happen during the last week and a half. Callen spends the first several minutes driving along the streets taking in all the small town has to offer, as well as looking for any signs of Nell. Something in the back of his mind is still holding out hope she will just magically appear.

Coming to the end of the main road, Callen recognizes the little restaurant he and Nell stopped in the day they came. He drives past the establishment towards the small parking area he remembers from before. Pulling into one of the empty spots, Callen turns off the ignition and takes a moment to gather his thoughts. This is his thing. His wheelhouse so to speak. Finding people. Tracking down those who don't want to be found. He reminds himself the odds of finding her before tomorrow are slim as he steps the car and follows the same path they had taken not so long ago.

Re-tracing their steps, Callen approaches the restaurant and allows his gaze to shift to the park across the street. He makes a mental note to check it out after getting some food. Stepping through the glass door, Callen looks around for a free seat. Before he can make any decisions, "Welcome to McKenna's. Feel free to sit wherever you like." He looks up and catches the smile on the woman's face before offering one of his own. Moving towards a back corner, Callen slides onto the chair and grabs the menu off the table.

The voice of the waitress interrupts his perusing, "Can I get you something to drink?" He looks up and sees recognition flit across her face at the same time he realizes who she is. "Oh, hey I remember you! You came in here a week ago or so." Callen offers a smile and is glad to hear she remembers him as well. "Where's your girlfriend tonight?" He glosses over the assumption made about his relationship with Nell as he places the menu on the table.

"Just me tonight." He orders a sandwich and watches as the waitress walks towards the kitchen. The fact that she remembers them at all after having only been in there a short time is a touch surprising, but he decides it may well work to his advantage. When the waitress returns with his food, Callen makes it a point to look at her nametag and puts one of his famous smiles on his face, "Colleen, I thought maybe you could help me with something." The young woman tilts her head in question, "My girlfriend said something about coming in here for dinner tonight and I was trying to surprise her." Leaning forward as if he wants to keep a secret between just the two of them, "She thinks I'm on a business trip."

The waitress smiles sweetly at him, "Oh, honey. I haven't seen her at all since the two of you were in here."

Callen offers another prize-winning smile, "Thanks, I guess I will just have to surprise her at home."

The waitress gives him a sad smile, "The world needs more guys like you. I'll tell you what. Let me ask a couple of the girls and see if maybe she came in earlier. I've only been on for about an hour." She turns and walks away before he has a chance to respond.

Callen takes the time she is off asking about Nell to eat the food placed in front of him. Before he finishes, his phone comes to life. Pulling it out of his pocket, he sees Eric's name across the screen. Answering the phone, "Hey, Eric." The young man relays the lack of information he and Sam garnered throughout their evening of searching. "It's alright, Eric. Let Hetty know I'm looking into something as we speak. It may take a day or two to see if I'm right, but I'll let you guys know as soon as I can." He listens for a few more minutes before adding one last thing, "Yes, Eric. I would tell you if I thought she was in trouble. I'm sure she is fine." He bids the young man goodbye as he re-examines the words he spoke.

Callen knows tensions are running high and Nell certainly didn't help matters when she scheduled that impromptu visit with Herrold, but he also knows Nell not showing up shows she is at least thinking clearly on some level. While he is definitely worried about her, Callen is certain she is not in immediate danger. It took a long talk with Sam for him to really believe that thought, but, once again, Sam's ability to reset his brain remains intact. Between the conversation with Sam and the one shared with Nate, Callen is more certain than ever that Nell is simply trying to find a place she feels is safe. And for whatever reason this town seems to have a hold on her. He just isn't sure why or how.

The waitress comes back before Callen can dwell on the topic any further, "Mary said your girl was in here earlier. She picked up a meal just before I got on shift. So, just over an hour or so I guess." Callen nods at the woman in front of him before requesting the check, "Sorry your surprise didn't work out, honey." She places her hand on his shoulder and offers a sad smile leaving the ticket on the edge of his table.

Taking a breath, Callen has to admit he is sorry as well. Though, honestly, it is probably a good thing. He doesn't want to rush her and he certainly doesn't want to spook her either. Maybe a night to gather her thoughts will turn out to be a good thing. Pulling out his phone, Callen sees the lateness of the hour and stands up making his way to the cash register. Settling the bill, Callen bids the hostess goodnight and walks back out the glass door.

Strolling along the sidewalk, Callen moves quietly towards the park in front of him. He remembers Nell remarking on how pretty the scene was. He has to say he agrees. Walking into the small area, he settles himself on a bench located directly in front of the pond Nell had taken a picture of that day. Watching the way the water glistens in the faint light given by the street lamps and moon, Callen briefly wonders when he became this man. A man who seems to have little control over himself when it comes to a woman. Someone who doesn't even stop and think before he reacts on pure instinct when he feels her safety is in question. Sure he protects those he cares for. He would stand in the path of a bullet for those close to him, but something about Nell Jones makes his brain completely short-circuit and it's like he can no longer can trust his reactions. Going after Detective Michaels the way he did. Ignoring Hetty's orders to go straight back to the safe house. The anger he felt when Nate told him Nell would need to meet with Herrold at some point.

Shaking his head, Callen attempts to clear the thoughts from his head. He forces himself to remember the words Sam spoke to him when he removed Callen from the ops center. The musings of a man who knows Callen as well as he knows himself. Even though he had wanted nothing to do with the conversation somehow Sam got through to him. He told Callen he needs to find a way to make this about Nell. To stop thinking he had all the answers and that his way was the only way. Sam reminded Callen how much they trust Nate and that somewhere Callen was unwilling to access in that moment, he knew Nate would never endanger Nell. That he would protect her just the same as they would. He also reminded Callen that Nate was just as loyal to his friends and loved ones as Callen was and he wouldn't hesitate to step up if he thought Callen was hindering Nell's recovery.

Trust. That was the gist of the conversation. Trust Nate. Trust Nell. And most importantly, trust himself. Trust that he would instinctively know what to do and say when the moment presented itself. Trust that if he was speaking from the heart, then everything would work out in the end. Trust in Nell's strength. Even when that strength seemed to be faltering. Trust in the fact that she survived this once before. Trust that was the woman they all know and love. Trust in the belief that Nell will find her way again and she will come out even stronger this time.

Taking a cleansing breath, Callen lets the words wash over him once again. He allows the positivity that permeated from his good friend flow through his body and feels himself relax. The moment is shattered when Callen hears the familiar sound of a gunshot. He immediately shifts to high alert running towards the main part of town where the sound came from. Racing past the restaurant, Callen comes to rest in front of a frantic young man standing outside a deli which is situated in the center of the throughway. Raising his hand to get the teen's attention, "Hey, what happened?"

The boy moves his hands hysterically as he speaks, "I don't know! We were cleaning up and all of a sudden I heard a loud bang. Grandpa came from the back and told me to come out front. Said it was no big deal. He would explain later." Callen guides the teen over to the small group of people that had gathered from the various other storefronts. After asking about any other entrances to the small establishment, Callen moves quickly through the front door. Removing his gun from its holster, he quickly clears the downstairs.

Callen walks silently to the back of the small shop and towards the back stairs the young man told him about. Climbing them, he stops outside the first closed door he encounters. Callen slowly opens the door and moves into the room. He comes rest just inside the door training his weapon on the elderly man seated on the couch. "Sir. Everything alright in here."

The man lets out a small laugh when he sees the weapon pointed in his direction, "Little bit over the top, dontcha think?" Seeing no response from the man in front of him, "I mean it was just an accident. No big thing." The man puts the handgun on the coffee table in front of him and stands up while raising his hands as if to surrender. "You aren't from around these parts. Who are you exactly?"

"I'm a federal agent." He lowers his weapon as he speaks realizing the old man poses no threat, "Agent Callen. Are you alone sir?"

The man looks around in an exaggerated manner, "You see anyone else in here with us? Cause it sure looks pretty empty to me." Callen allows a small smirk across his features at his tenacity.

"No, I don't." Looking towards a door he presumes leads to a bedroom, "How about back there." Callen points to the door for emphasis. "Any chance there is someone back there?"

The man relaxes his stance as he puts on a serious face. "Would you believe me if I told you it was this hot, young thing that only has eyes for a dirty old man?" He laughs as Callen smirks again. "No one. I haven't seen any action in more years than you've been on the planet I reckon." The man shifts the questions onto Callen, "Where did you come from anyway? Busting in here with a gun and all."

As if just realizing the weapon is still in his hand, Callen holsters it before speaking again. "I was at the park and heard a gunshot. Ended up here." He moves closer to the couch and takes note that the older man mirrors his movements, "Your grandson is a bit freaked out downstairs." Callen is pretty sure there is more to tell than the man is letting on, but has nothing to confirm that suspicion.

The man closes the distance between himself and Callen before setting an arm on the younger man's shoulder guiding them both towards the exit. He laughs slightly before answering, "Not my grandson. All the kids around here call me Grandpa." Starting down the stairs, "That one is a bit more skittish than most though. Tommy didn't grow up around here. His mama did. She sent him to stay for a few weeks. Something about bad influences and an older girl." Pausing his motion on the stairwell, he turns to face Callen, "Personally, I don't see the issue with an older girl part. Not my call though. Just doing my part to keep him busy til his mama comes back for him."

Callen laughs at the comment before following the older man down the stairs once again. They move quickly through the small deli and exit the building. Reaching out to stop the man's motion, "You never did tell me what the gunshot was about Mr…" Callen leaves the end of the statement blank since he is unaware of the man's name.

Skipping over the obvious fishing for information, "Oh that was me being an old man. Apparently, I didn't clear the chamber. It really does suck getting old some days." With a swift pat on Callen's arm, the man moves towards Tommy leaving the agent on the sidewalk in front of the deli. Giving a quick glance back, Callen has a feeling there is much more to the old man than anyone in town probably knows.

Walking towards the group of people, Callen watches as the man rambles on about the perils of getting old. Laughing at the scene, he moves over to him placing his hand along the man's shoulder blade. "I'm glad everything is fine. You all have a good night." Callen moves away from the gathering and towards his car figuring he might as well try to rest some before morning comes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's Notes – I hold no ownership to NCIS:LA or its characters.**

** I wanted to post this chapter in time for the weekend. It was originally part of the previous one, but I decided to separate them. I am working towards the goal of not posting unless I have the next chapter started or finished. We will see how long that holds! **

** This is definitely a small one in comparison to some of the others, but it seemed a good place to call it quits. Again, I will apologize to those who may be frustrated with the lack of interaction between Nell and Callen. I have given up trying to guess when that may happen as the story keeps just pulling in directions I had not necessarily intended. Just know it will happen because the story is ultimately how the two of them cope with the Nell's trauma. I think it is just as important to show their individual struggles as well because it will impact how they cope together.**

** Again, I want to address Joy directly. Thank you so much for your kind words! I am glad you are enjoying the story and feel I am doing them justice! I also appreciate your praise of my writing skills. This is such a relaxing thing for me to do (most of the time) and it really does make me feel like I am doing something worthwhile! Thank you so much!**

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Watching the stranger walk away, Mr. Simons reaches out and pulls Tommy close to him letting the boy know he should head home. The crowd disperses with the departure of the young man allowing Mr. Simons to move back into the deli. Closing and locking the door, he moves the sign from open to close before heading back up the stairs. Standing outside the front door of the make-shift apartment, "Marcy, honey. It's me. I'm gonna come back in now. Alright?" Not hearing any objection, the old man moves into the small space immediately making his way to the closed bedroom door. Knocking softly, "Marcy. I'm coming in. Nothing to worry about. It's just me."

Walking over the threshold, Mr. Simons instantaneously crosses the room upon seeing her frame on the floor. Coming to rest in front of her, he talks softly. "Hey. You're safe. Nothing to worry about here." Getting no response, "Marcy, honey. Look at me." After still getting no response, he curses his old age as he kneels down in front of the frightened woman. "I'm just gonna take this alright." He slowly moves towards the gun held loosely in her hand. Once he has the weapon in his grip, Mr. Simons slowly stands up.

He shakes his head at what seems to be a replay of a time gone by. Knowing she will need time to come out of whatever is causing her to detach on her own, Mr. Simons moves into the kitchen. After placing the gun on the counter, he gets a water bottle from the refrigerator. He comes back into the room, sits on the edge of the bed and waits. Watching her do battle with her own mind makes the old man wish he had figured out what happened all those years ago when she came to town the first time. Maybe then, he would have a better idea how to proceed now.

After what seems like hours, she finally stirs. He watches as she looks around in confusion before settling her eyes on his frame. "Mr. Simons." The words are a simple statement that he instinctively knows needs no response. It isn't the first time he has sat with her just like this. Though he had hoped to never go through the experience again, Mr. Simons waits until his identity truly registers with her psyche. He knows the moment has occurred when she starts shaking and apologizing repeatedly, "Oh my God, Mr. Simons. I am so sorry." It's the same mantra from all those years ago and it breaks it heart every bit as much as it did then.

He stands up and reaches out to pull the young woman to her feet. Once she is steady, he envelopes her in an embrace. "No need to apologize, Marcy." He pulls her tight in an attempt to reassure her. "No harm, no foul." He pulls her back slightly, "No one was hurt." Tilting his head towards the hole in the wall, "just a little hole in the wall. Nothing a little plaster and paint won't fix." Pulling her over to the bed with him, "Except next time maybe warn an old man you brought a weapon along. Ticker ain't what it used to be, ya know." The sentiment got a small laugh out of her. "There she is. Slowly coming back from whatever hell she was visiting."

Nell looks up and locks eyes with the older man, "Don't think I didn't forget all those nights of hearing you scream in your sleep before." Nell's eyes soften at the revelation. "Ticker might not be what it used to be, but the mind is still just as strong. No way could I ever forget those nights. Lots of demons fought in this room. Just never thought they would be back."

Seeing the struggle in her eyes, he places a rough hand along her cheek wiping tears that are now falling, "It's your story to tell, sweetness. I'm not asking now any more than I did then." Looking towards the direction of the door, "But, I think that gun you brought with you this time round should be left in a safe place til you're thinking a bit more clearly." She nods at the sentiment as she lets her head rest on his shoulder.

Nell allows the strength of the old man to relax her mind. Just his presence brings her to a calmer place and she wonders what it is about the man. While Callen can pull her from the depths of panic as well, somehow it's different with Mr. Simons. As her mind drifts to the trouble that could have been caused by her actions tonight, she tenses up. A slight panic flows through her as she realizes her memory of what happened is sketchy at best. Sitting up abruptly, "What exactly happened tonight? What did I do?"

The old man places a calming hand on her forearm, "Nothing you need to fret over, Marcy."

Nell shakes her head knowing she can't continue to lie to him. Not anymore. He deserves to at least know who she really is. The first time she encountered him, the name just slipped out of her mouth when he asked who she was. She doesn't even know why she gave him that name. It just happened. In some way Nell wonders if, by giving a false name, she could deny reality. Maybe if she called herself by someone else's moniker, then everything that had happened that night could be someone else's reality. Like it never happened to her.

Raising her sad eyes to meet his, "Nell." She maintains eye contact imploring the old man to understand the meaning. Seeing his eyes soften, she knows the answer to her unspoken question. Losing what little strength she had garnered from him, Nell lowers her gaze and looks at her hands. "I'm sorry I lied to you. Especially with everything you did for me. I just…"

Mr. Simons places a hand just above her knee interrupting the flow of words, "You're always apologizing. It's still not needed." Waiting for her to stop picking at her fingers, "Everyone has their secrets, sweetness. No one is immune to that fact. Some are big. Some small." He pauses until she looks up, "This one is small. Just a name." Knowing enough words have been spoken for the night, Mr. Simons rises to his feet. "Maybe a walk will help clear that pretty little head of yours. I know sleep isn't exactly your friend right now and I reckon it won't be for spell." He moves towards the door stopping just short of going through it, "All I ask is you leave the gun here. Seems we have federal agent in town for some reason. No need to draw attention to yourself unnecessarily."

Nell's head instantly pops up at the information, "Federal agent?" She really shouldn't be surprised Callen tracked her this quickly. It really wasn't a big jump if he stopped long enough to think it through. And Callen is nothing if not thorough.

Seeing her trepidation, Mr. Simons reaches down and places his hand on her shoulder, "No need to worry yourself, sweetness." Locking eyes with the young woman in front of him, "Unless there is something you think I should know about. Mind you, no details are needed. Just say the word and I will make sure the two of you never set sight on each other."

Nell smiles up at the man's sentiment, "I'm not in trouble or anything Mr. Simons." Seeing the brief flash of skepticism flit across his features, she pauses before speaking again. "He's a friend. Someone who just wants to make sure I'm alright. I'm just not so sure I'm ready to see him yet."

He smiles softly at the woman in front of him, "You just let me know when you are ready, sweetness. In the meantime, he won't hear a word from me." With those final words, Mr. Simons walks through the doorway closing it tightly behind him.

Hearing that Callen is in town changes Nell's plans for the night. Initially she was going to take Mr. Simons up on the suggestion to go for a walk. She always found the pond to be comforting and is slightly disappointed she won't be able to lose herself in it, but she does not want to chance Callen finding her this soon. Deciding a shower is the only other option in her attempt to relax herself, she moves back into the bedroom. Once inside the bedroom, she walks into the tiny space that had been renovated to make room for a toilet and shower. Removing her clothes, she steps carefully under stream of hot water. Allowing the muscles in her shoulders and back to be massaged, Nell's thoughts turn to Callen. She knows he won't give up and it is just a matter of time before he confirms she is in town, if he hasn't already. Any number of people saw her throughout the afternoon before she ran into Mr. Simons. It would just take showing her picture for someone to identify her.

Deciding she doesn't need to figure anything out right then, she finishes in the shower before stepping out and dressing herself in the clothes that had been left on the bed. Nell moves back into the living room and finds a book along the shelf before settling herself onto the couch. Knowing more nightmares are on the horizon if she sleeps, her strategy is to keep herself awake for as long as possible and hope, when sleep does take over, her mind is too tired to conjure the demons that haunt her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's Notes – None of the characters of NCIS:LA are mine…..**

** Here we go again! Getting closer to Nell and Callen, just keep being patient. I seem to really be enjoying writing Mr. Simons and he has morphed into a much bigger part of this story than I had originally intended. I hope you all don't mind!**

** Again, please read and review. Thanks to all who are reading this story and please know I value your opinions. Good or bad! I encourage you to let me know if you feel I am doing something right or wrong. A writer can only improve their craft with the interaction of their readers!**

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After opening his eyes and giving himself a second for his mind to comprehend his location, Callen adjusts the seat of the car into an upright position once again. Feeling every bit his age, he opens the door and gets out to stretch. Even with the number of times he has slept in car reaching higher than it should, Callen has yet to find a way to make it any more comfortable. It is what it is. Callen has no intention of leaving the small town without Nell. Or without confirmation Nell has moved on to a different location if, in fact, is gut is wrong. Walking along the small stretch of grass in front of him, Callen notices the small town coming to life despite the early hour.

Along the series of trails leading around the park, several runners have taken their place as they flit past each other with a friendly wave or nod of the head. Mothers and fathers with their children heading towards a playground that he didn't remember seeing the night before. He blames the lateness of the hour and the mesmerizing way the pond seemed to capture his attention for his lack of realizing there was a play area. Pulling out his phone, he figures it's time to let someone know what he has learned. Or hasn't as the case may be.

Waiting for the man to pick up, Callen lets his gaze fall along the pond once again. His thoughts are interrupted when a sleepy voice answers. After letting him know what little information he has garnered, Callen bids the man goodbye after promising to keep him apprised of the search for Nell. Placing the phone in his pocket once again, Callen moves towards the restaurant in search of some coffee. He doesn't really have a plan for the day, but he knows he will definitely need coffee to get his brain moving.

Walking confidently to what appears to be the only restaurant in town, he enters and is immediately greeted by the hostess. "Good morning, sir. Just one?"

Callen smiles at the woman and nods before following her along the line of tables. Taking a seat not far from the entrance, he smiles while ordering a coffee. He looks over the menu briefly and by the time the waitress returns with his coffee, Callen is ready to order. Settling back in his seat, the seasoned agent observes the scene around him. The place is surprisingly busy for the early hour and the smallness of the town. He notices people from every walk of life and age span. Families mixed in with singles as well as the peppering of business suits line the generous number of tables.

Not surprisingly, those throughout the place seem to all know everyone else's names and he hears the occasional inquiry as to missing members of what he presumes are families from the town. Despite the appearance of closeness, Callen can't help but notice the town seems to lack the busybodies generally associated with its size. Even with the pubrage of hellos and how are you, no one seems to notice his presence. A stranger in a town that seems to know none. His food arrives before he has time to contemplate the thought much more. Nodding a quick thank you, Callen focuses his attention on the generous helping of good ole country food.

As he is finishing the food, Callen's attention is diverted to the front of the restaurant with the introduction of a familiar voice. He catches sight of the old man from last night and leans forward to listen to the exchange. Callen still can't let go of the feeling the man is hiding something and the agent in him can't help the natural inclination to prove or disprove the nagging in his gut. Not being able to hear anything, Callen takes a final gulp of his coffee before moving towards the cash register. He comes up behind the man and waits while he finishes what appears to be a breakfast order to go.

Without turning around, "Agent Callen. Didn't figure you would still be around." The old man turns to face the surprised agent. Which is saying a lot because few people can surprise him. "Just assumed you were passing through."

Callen recovers quickly and shrugs his shoulders casually, "Seems like as good a place as any to spend a few days." The agent watches him as he files through the thoughts in his head about who this man is. The way he holds himself is eerily familiar, "Thought it might be nice to check it out in the light."

Mr. Simons returns Callen's casual shrug, "Not much to us. Your few days would actually only take a few hours." Locking eyes with the agent, "How was it you said you came to land here?"

Callen's eyes light up and he offers a smirk, "I didn't." Before they can continue the exchange, the waitress returns with his food and the old man is out the door with a smile. Taking his place at the register, Callen shakes his head slowly making a mental note to run into him later. He definitely wants to confirm the thoughts going through his head. He smiles at the waitress as he pays and then turns to leave. Before exiting, he shifts his gaze back to the waitress who brought the old man his food. "Excuse me. I was wondering if you could tell me the name of the man who owns the deli. Older guy that was just in here getting food." She smiles back and gives him the information he requested.

Walking out the door, Callen is suddenly grateful for the small town vibe. That implicit trust the people have in anyone and everyone. Unsure why his gut keeps leading him back to the old man, Mr. Simons, Callen decides it is time to put the nagging feeling to bed once and for all. Taking in the multitude of stores along his walk to the deli, it becomes more apparent this town has more to offer than he had originally suspected it might. The storefronts house everything from antiques to clothing to media. It really does seem like the place should have long since gone to the wayside, but the increasing hustle and bustle tells him others must have discovered the allure long before Nell brought him here.

Pulling up a map on his phone, Callen searches the surrounding area for some clue as to why this town has such appeal. He takes note of the neighboring area only a short drive away where the street fair was held. The size of that place is easily triple this one, yet the shops here are thriving. The sheer number of friendly smiles and greetings he gets along the short walk tells him the appeal must be the residents themselves. That certainly explains the lack of attention his presence drew at the restaurant. The town thrives on the arrival of strangers. And it exudes every attribute a small town has to offer save the gossiping nature. Thinking back, Callen realizes, even with all his observations, he has yet to hear anything negative. About the town or the visitors.

Spotting the deli on the opposite side of the street, Callen chooses to settle on a bench giving him a good vantage point. He wants to get a feel for the workings of the quaint downtown area. Looking at his watch, he sees the time creeping slowly to the nine o'clock hour and figures it won't be long before the place really comes to life. Removing his phone from his pocket once again, Callen continues to search the surrounding areas as well as look for any information on the town he has found himself completely intrigued by.

After staying seated for a good hour, Callen decides to visit the deli hoping to find Mr. Simons. Upon entering, he smiles at the young man from last night. "Tommy, good to see you again." The young man looks confused for a moment before realization strikes his features.

Returning the smile, "You as well, sir." Turning and coming up behind the glass enclosure, "Can I get you anything in particular?"

Before he has time to answer, the man Callen had been looking for appears from the back room, "Already seen this old place. Figured you would be checking out the rest of town when you said you were sticking around." Callen takes note of the way Mr. Simons is carrying himself and is positive he is on the right track.

"Thought you might show me around a bit. Give me the insider's guide to the best kept secrets of the place." Callen watches as the man contemplates the words and smiles when he nods his head.

"Why not. Maybe both of us will get some answers we're looking for." The old man turns to give Tommy some instructions before moving towards the exit. Stopping on the sidewalk, he looks over at Callen. "Where do you want to start?"

Callen ignores the obvious double meaning of the question and starts down the sidewalk. The two men walk the expanse of one side of the throughway as Mr. Simons gives Callen what appears to be an unedited view of the place. The more they walk and talk, the more he wonders if maybe he was wrong about the older man. Maybe he simply a guy who owns a deli in a little town that seems to be getting more overrun by tourists by the hour. Except his gut is rarely wrong.

Hedging his bet, Callen decides to just put it all on the table. "CIA?"

To the man's credit, he doesn't skip a beat or appear to be confused by the implied question. Which honestly says a whole lot more than any words he is about speak, "Deli owner. Second generation." Callen laughs at the response. Nodding his head, Callen thanks him for his time and promises to stop in for some of his famous potato salad before he leaves town.

Mr. Simons watches as the man leaves not at all shocked by the knowledge he gleaned during their interactions. The man is good. He is able to admit that much. He has no doubt the younger man is definitely part of some covert team that would likely rival the one Mr. Simons partook in a lifetime ago.

Arriving back at the deli, Mr. Simons nods a greeting to Tommy before disappearing up the back stairwell. Knocking on the door, he waits for Nell to answer. Smiling at the young woman, he walks past her small frame without an invitation. Taking a place on the couch, "So, tell me Nell. Which agency do the two of you work for?"

Momentarily surprised by the question, she takes a breath before sitting down beside him. "NCIS." While Nell owes the man in front of her a lot, there is no way she can give him all the information she is guessing he will ask for. Which is why his next question is completely unexpected.

"Did you actually eat your breakfast or stash it in the fridge?" She takes a second to recover before confirming she did indeed eat.

Looking at him with her eyes slightly narrowed, "That's it? No other questions about me." She pauses for a moment, "Or Agent Callen."

Mr. Simons' chuckles for a moment, "No reason to ask questions you can't answer, sweetness."

Tipping her head slightly to the side, Nell is immediately intrigued by the man she is sharing the small living space with. She had never stopped long enough to really learn anything about him. Just saw him as a grandfatherly type who was there to help her through a really bad time in her life. Looking at him now, she realizes just how much she underestimated him. "The man who…," she pauses for moment before willing herself to say the word, "raped me all those years ago came back."

Mr. Simons attempts, and fails, to control his reaction. While he suspected that was what had happened years ago, he didn't expect her to open a dialogue about what happened to her then or why she suddenly re-appeared in his sphere. "When he found me the second time, it was a fluke. It's not like he tracked me down or anything." She looks at her hands as she continues, "I was at a pub with some friends and he was there. Asked me dance." Another small pause, "and I did." A sudden wave of empubrassment runs through her veins and she suddenly feels the need to clarify. "It was the first time I went out like that in more years than I can remember. It's not like I went out and partied every weekend."

The man offers her a soft smile, "Never thought anything differently, sweetness."  
>Standing up, Nell crosses the room and settles along the counter dividing the kitchen and living room. "I walked away and he followed. Grabbed me. I tried to fight him." Mr. Simons crosses the room as the pause in her words takes longer than it should. Reaching down and laying a hand softly on her arm, he silently encourages her to continue. Shaking her head, "I got away and made it home before the drug he gave me took effect. Woke up the next morning trying to piece everything together. Before I could, he was in my house." Locking eyes with the old man, "Agent Callen was the one I called when he broke in. He found me after."<p>

She stops and moves over to the refrigerator getting a bottle of water for herself before offering one to Mr. Simons. "You know what gets me?" She looks down at the bottle, "I didn't even know who he was." Playing with the lid, "How is that even possible? Because I have been over and over it in my head. And it makes no sense. It's not like he was some guy who pulled me into a dark alley. I talked to him for hours before everything." Locking eyes with the man in front of her, "How could I have not recognized him? Known who he was."

Watching the tears running down her cheeks, Mr. Simons pulls from a place he hasn't accessed for years. A place he walked away from and swore to never return. "Sometimes the mind is so traumatized that the only thing it can do is shut down. It's the only way to save itself from destruction. And that looks different for everyone. No two people will react the same. To even the exact same trauma." Waiting to give her a moment to process, "For you it took coming to a new place and pretending to be someone else. Even though you weren't here very long, your mind found its way to cope. Your mind created a safe in the back of your head to place everything that happened that night."

Reaching out slowly to get her attention, "It's not really that uncommon, sweetness. The mind is complex and ever-changing thing of amazement no one really knows. When you were here, you processed most of what happened through dreams, or nightmares, because the events were too much to process verbally. That's why I never pushed you to talk. I knew that would only make your mind fight that much harder to protect you. It would push you into a place of fear." Locking eyes with her, "And I didn't need to hear it from you to know what happened. The things you cried out while stuck in those nightmares gave me all the information I would have ever needed."

Pulling her over to the couch with him, he decides it's time for him to share something. "In my former life, I was an operational psychologist for an elite team of agents through the CIA. Which is why I knew not to push you. Not to make you feel backed into a corner. Forcing someone who isn't ready to talk does that. You had already lost so much by the time you came here I knew to tread lightly. So I just let your mind do its job. Figure out how to protect you in the best way it could."

Nell locks eyes with the man as everything becomes completely clear. "What made you remember him?" She looks away immediately, but not before he sees the hesitation in her. He knows she is ready for this step. She is strong enough. Even if she doesn't believe it. "Look at me, Nell. It's all part of the process. You have to let yourself go through this." Seeing the way her body tenses as she fights the words, he knows she is shutting down. "The first time you went through this, you weren't strong enough to talk about it. I knew that then. Knew that pushing the process. Forcing you to acknowledge what happened was too much. Just like now. Now I know you are strong enough. You can do this, sweetness."

Giving her a few seconds to acknowledge his words, "Your mind knew you weren't ready to face the rape back then. So, it did the next best thing. It filed the information away. Tucked it in that safe and buried the combination so deep in your subconscious that there was no way you would access it. Except with a trigger. Something that was burned into your psyche so deep that even your mind wasn't aware it was there. That trigger holds the master key to that safe. Makes everything come flying back so fast that you don't even know it is happening until you are so far in the past you can't catch yourself." Waiting for her to look at him before continuing, "It can be just about anything; a touch or smell or word."

She waits so long to answer that he wonders if he misread her readiness. "You can trust me." The words come out so quiet that he almost misses them. "He said it in the pub when I used myself as bait." She looks up at him, "I didn't know it was the same guy when I showed up there to lure him out. All I knew was he had attacked other women. We all looked alike enough that we knew he had a type. And I was the most logical choice. The one who got away. The perfect bait." As if losing herself in a replay of the night, "I got there. Surprised the team because they didn't know I was coming. I was waiting by the bar. Then I second-guessed myself. Realized it was a bad idea and I couldn't do it. Couldn't be there. But it was too late."

She gets up abruptly and he knows she has had enough. He is actually surprised she made it this far. Walking over to her and stopping just short of her personal space, "I'm gonna get us something to eat. Anything in particular sound good to you?" Shaking her head, Nell watches as he turns and leaves the room. To get food apparently. The change in activity makes her head spin slightly. Or maybe that is from all the revelations over the last couple of hours. She decides not analyze it and moves over to the couch waiting for Mr. Simons to return instead.


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Notes – I do not own NCIS:LA or any of its characters.**

** This chapter has been done for a couple of days, but it took until today for my mind to cooperate enough to edit it. The beginning proved to just frustrate me all day yesterday to the point where walked away. Several times. Revisiting it today was just what was needed apparently, because I had very little trouble with the editing.**

** I am getting into some of the nitty gritty Nell stuff with this one. Let me know what you think! There will be more in the form of revelations. Plus, Callen's journey and where he is in all of this. I have to confess I wrote an interaction between Nate and Callen that will be used soon (either Ch. 16 or 17) that was completely unexpected. It just popped into my head yesterday while I was frustrated and is just the bare bones so far, but it is definitely too good to dump. So, something to look forward to coming up with Callen!**

** As always, please read and review. Is there anything you guys want answered or clarified? Let me know!**

A soft knock on the door pulls Nell out of her memory-induced haze and she rises to her feet opening the door allowing the visitor to pass over the threshold. Mr. Simons sees her smile at him as he walks around her with several food items to choose from. He waits for her to join him in the kitchen area before pulling down a couple of plates. Handing one to Nell without a word, they fill their plates. The two sit quietly along the small counter space eating the majority of their meal before Nell excuses herself.

Mr. Simons watches as she moves through the bedroom door and takes the moment to reflect on the last several hours. Her lack of talking is completely expected especially in light of how much progress she made in opening up. He doesn't really anticipate her making much more progress for a couple of more days. Which is why he is surprised to see her coming out of the room with a plain brown bag. A brown bag that, even though it has been years since he has participated in any type of investigation, Mr. Simons recognizes immediately. "Nell?"

She stops in the living room giving Mr. Simons a near perfect profile view of the young woman as she speaks. "I kept them. Even though I couldn't go through with it at the time…," her words trail off as she turns to face him. "Would you come with me?" He gives her a confused look because, well, the shift in events is pretty abrupt. "I know I'm going to have to give a statement. And I know I owe you some sort of explanation about what happened then and now and…," pausing as she places the bag on the table in front of the couch, "so many other things, but I can't do this twice."

Immediately understanding he stands and walks towards her, "Give me a few minutes to talk with Tommy. I'll also need to call Sharon and see about her coming over to help him close the deli tonight." Seeing her understanding, Mr. Simons makes his way to the door stopping just short of it. He pauses as if he is going to say something, then leaves without a word.

Nell watches him leave wondering for a second what he was going to say. Not dwelling on the unspoken words, she instead pulls her phone out of her pocket knowing she needs to set the plan in motion before she loses her nerve. Opening up the texting app, she sends a quick message indicating her impending arrival and requesting use of the boatshed along with a few other instructions. Dropping the device back in her pocket, Nell retrieves her shoes putting them on quickly before looking around the small room to make sure she isn't forgetting anything. Gathering the bag from the table, she moves out of the room locking the door.

Walking down the stairs, she stays in the back room while Mr. Simons finishes making arrangements for the rest of the day. As he comes through the archway, Nell smiles at him before turning and disappearing through the back exit. Following her out to the car, Mr. Simons slides into the passenger seat as soon as she unlocks the door. He watches as she opens the back door and deposits the evidence bag on the seat before closing it again. Sliding into the driver's seat, she glances over at her passenger for a brief second before starting the car and making her way out of town.

The drive is filled with a comfortable silence. She is concentrated on keeping her head where she knows it needs to be despite the internal arguments happening. Mr. Simons is taking in the sights. He gives her a few glances throughout the ride trying to get a definitive feel as to how the evening is going to proceed. And for once he is at a loss. Which is an unusual place for him to be. While she made amazing strides earlier, he is not convinced that she will be able to get through a full on questioning about everything that happened.

Pulling into a marina, he is immediately intrigued. He had assumed they were going to a police, which this location obviously is not. Glancing over at the young woman in the driver's seat, he watches as she closes her eyes while taking a deep intake of air. Before he can inquire, she is exiting the car and opening the back door to get the evidence bag. He follows her lead and exits the car falling in step behind her as they walk up to a small boatshed. Going through the door, he immediately sees two people waiting inside. Her team, he presumes. Which makes sense. Had he been able to actually formulate his thoughts logically at least.

Straightening her frame, as if the position will give her an air of confidence that is most definitely not there, she walks over to the table where the figures are standing seemingly waiting for her arrival. Setting the bag down, she smiles softly at them before turning to introduce the strangers. "Mr. Simons, this is Special Agent Kensi Blye and Detective Marty Deeks. Kensi. Deeks. This is Mr. Simons." The three people extend hands and shake cordially. Everything is quickly coming into focus for Mr. Simons once Nell introduces the group. Turning to face the pair, "I asked Mr. Simons to come with me. Where is…," before she can finish the question another figure steps through the door.

"Kensi. Deeks." The names rush out in the same instance his frame turns towards her, "Nell, I'm sorry it took…," his words stop when he catches sight of the older man standing in the room with them. "David Simons…" His confusion and surprise takes precedent as he pauses for a moment before suddenly remembering he should introduce himself. Holding out his hand, "Nate Getz. Operational Psychologist. It is an honor to meet you." Turning to see the confusion in the eyes of the others, "He is a legend in the field. Think the Callen of operational psychologists." Mr. Simons makes note of the reference to Agent Callen as he sees the psychologist turn to face him once again, "What brings you here?" The old man nods slightly in Nell's direction causing Nate to lock eyes with the woman. The look on her face says it all, "Right, we will talk later."

Nate moves to join the others around the table in the center of the room, "So, Eric sent me a message to meet you here." Pointing to the partners, "As well as the two of you, I am guessing." The pair nod before he looks over in Nell's direction, "He said you would explain when you got here."

Taking a deep breath, Nell gives herself a moment before focusing on the detective, "I need you to take my statement, Deeks." Anticipating the interruption, she raises her hand, "Before you say anything I already know I should be talking to someone else, but I can't do that." She pauses looking down nervously at her hands, "This is going to be hard enough to do."  
>The shaggy haired man immediately rises to his feet and comes around the table enveloping her in an embrace, "Anything you need Velma." He feels her laugh and he is happy he could lighten the mood for even a second. Catching her gaze as he pulls her away from his frame, "Let me know how you want to do this."<p>

Nell squeezes his arm gently before turning to face Nate, "I need you to stay out here with Kensi." Even though the request won't offend either one, she still feels the need to explain. "I know we have talked some, but I would prefer Mr. Simons in the room with me at this point." She doesn't go into details and she knows neither person would ever ask.

Nate answers for both of them, "This happens when and how you want it to, Nell." He smiles as the young woman turns to walk down the hallway. Watching as Mr. Simons follows, he can't help but wonder how the pair ended up in the same room. He is definitely intrigued and looking forward to the explanation when it finally comes.

Looking over at Deeks, Nate notices his hesitation. Approaching the man and placing a hand on his shoulder, "Just let her lead. Don't push. Only ask a question if it is absolutely necessary. Remember, her memories might come out disjointed. She may skip around and go back to other points before ending up back where she started. If she stops talking at some point, give her a chance to figure it out in her head. Don't interrupt her thought processes, even if they don't make sense. If you get stuck, look to Simons to step in. He will know what to do even if you don't."

The blonde man nods, "Right. OK. So, keep my mouth shut. If it doesn't make sense, piece it together later." Nate smiles at his simplistic breakdown of what he just told him. Deeks starts down the hallway before turning, "Oh, and Simons will step in if needed." Turning back to the hallway, he disappears through the door just as Kensi activates the screen in the main area of the boatshed.

The two look at each other before settling down in the seats as they prepare to watch the scene unfold. "Does Callen know she is here?" Nate locks eyes with Kensi before answering her question.

"I'm going to say no. Because I have no doubt he would be in the room if she had told him what is about to happen." As if anticipating the question before it is asked, "And no, we shouldn't let him know. Nell will contact him when she is ready." Kensi nods her head as her gaze moves to the screen in front of them.

The three bodies take their places inside the small room and the anxiety can be felt by all. Still feeling out of his element, Deeks takes a seat as he waits for Nell to start the conversation. While he has done plenty of interviews, this is not one he ever wanted to be a part of. The fact that he knows her like he does is going to make the process that much harder. For everyone. He watches as she looks over at the old man and marvels at how they seem to have the ability to communicate without talking. He wonders just how long they have known each and what his connection is to the young analyst. Before his thoughts can wander any further, Nell's movement gains his focus.

Handing him the bag, "Those are the clothes I was wearing the night William Herrold attacked me six years ago. After he…," she looks away momentarily before locking eyes on him, "they can be tested for DNA. Hopefully the evidence hasn't degraded too much over the years."

Deeks replays Nate's words in his head and contemplates staying silent, but feels the need to inform Nell of the reality before they go any further, "Even if they find DNA on the clothes, it probably won't be admissible in court. There is no chain of command and it wasn't collected by medical personnel or police. If the judge allows it, the defense is going to tear it apart on the stand." He waits for her to look him, "They will say you planted the DNA, Nell. I need you to understand that before we go any further."

Turning the bag to reveal an official seal, "I went to a clinic in town. Right after it happened. The doctor had me take off the clothes I was wearing during the attack." Her gaze seems to gloss over. "They gave me some clothes that were donated. It was supposed to make rape victims feel more comfortable. Having real clothes instead of hospital gowns." Refocusing on the detective, "I never said a word to anyone there. Didn't tell them my name. Or what happened. They knew just by looking at me. When the doctor came back in the room, she put my clothes in this bag and sealed it."  
>Deeks looks at the seal seeing the signature of the doctor. He stops himself from asking the questions swirling in his head. Just listen. That is what Nate said he should do. Let her talk in her own time and just listen. Everything can be pieced together later if it is necessary. Repeating the mantra in his head, he waits for Nell to speak again. "I was in that room listening to the doctor talk about all the things they would need to do for the exam. Fingernail scrapings. Physical exam. Police coming to take a statement. I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk about it. Especially when I know I went with him willingly." It takes everything in Deeks to stay silent with the revelation. He straightens his frame to its full height as he listens to her speak, "Everything came crashing back. The party. Talking to him. Laughing. Leaving with him. Going into that place. His body pushed against mine. The words he said."<p>

As if knowing the detective is about to burst, Mr. Simons chances disrupting Nell's recollections by moving behind him. Placing a hand on the man's shoulder and firmly squeezing, Mr. Simons passes the silent message to just let it go. He knows the man wants to address the way Nell seems to be blaming herself, but it is imperative they let her talk. Everything else can be sorted out later. Misconceptions and misplaced blame are the least of the demons that Nell will be facing before the end of this ordeal.

"I panicked. The doctor left the room to get the rape kit and I just left. Slipped out the door before she could even start the process. Honestly, I didn't even realize I had the bag of clothes until I got back to my dorm room." Nell stops talking and takes a breath before looking at Deeks, "I know it may not stand up in court, but that doesn't really matter at this point anyway does it? It's not like he is getting out of prison after everything else he did, right?"

Deeks doesn't respond to the obviously rhetorical question, "I'll take it to the station myself when we are done." He watches as she fidgets slightly before she takes the seat in front of him. Mr. Simons moves away from the detective and settles against the wall just to his right. All eyes are on Nell as she begins to talk again.

"When I went to college, I wanted to reinvent myself. I was tired of being on the outside looking in, so after I got settled in I agreed to go to a party with my roommate. I realized how much fun it was. Made me feel like I actually belonged to a group and I was not just the punchline of everyone's jokes." She pauses for a brief second as she lets the memories flow, "After a while I realized I was just as lonely being at parties every weekend as I had been in high school. So, I decided enough was enough. I went to the party that night as a favor to my roommate. But I stayed off to the side. I found myself just watching the people there and I couldn't help but wonder how many of them were just going through the motions too."

Looking back at Deeks, "Then he came up to me. William Herrold. I had never met him before. When we talked it was like we had experienced the exact same things. Every point I made, he could relate to and vice versa. When he asked me to leave with him, I didn't hesitate. We walked around for a while before he stopped in front of an old frat house. It had been closed by the campus, but he said he had a key." She shakes her head looking up at the ceiling, "God, looking back I was so stupid." Refocusing on Deeks, "But right then, it seemed like no big deal. I kept telling myself it was fine because he had a key. He led me around back and gave me one last smile before he opened the door." Looking at Mr. Simons leaning against the wall, "The only thing I was worried about was getting in trouble for being in there. For trespassing on the property. No other warning signs went off. When I crossed that threshold, it never even crossed my mind that he would hurt me."

Hearing the need for reassurance in her tone, he speaks up. "Why would there have been warning signs? He hadn't done anything wrong. He hadn't said anything that made you uncomfortable. He fabricated a connection based on the words you spoke. That doesn't make your gut wrong or mean you are incapable of trusting your instincts. It means this guy is a sociopath. Able to mold into whatever he needs to be in order to get what he wants. This job…," he looks around the room and gestures at the camera on the wall, "You use your instincts here. Every day you get it right. Every day you stay alive in this world because of your instincts. Because you trust your gut." Locking eyes with her, "You can't use that man as a point of reference."

Deeks watches as she visibly relaxes at his words before she starts speaking again, "We went inside. He led me straight through to a living room area. I could tell he had been in there before. We sat down and talked for a bit longer. Then I started getting really tired and told him we should call it a night. I stood up, but he pulled me into his lap. He leaned in to kiss me. As soon as I realized what he was doing, I pulled away and stood up. I went to walk around him, but he stopped me. He apologized. Said he had wanted to do that all night. That he didn't mean to make me uncomfortable." She closes her eyes, "And I believed him. Asked me to stay a little longer. He said he would sit on the other side of the couch. He just didn't want me to go yet. He could tell I wasn't convinced." She opens her eyes and moves away from the table before locking eyes with Mr. Simons. "Then he said it."

The detective looks between the two knowing he has missed something, but stays silent. "I couldn't remember for sure when he said, but I knew that was the trigger when you asked me about it." Mr. Simons gives her an inquisitive look, "When Sam said I could trust him, I had a panic attack. Couldn't breathe." Searching her memories, Nell is suddenly confused. "But Callen said it to me and I was fine. I didn't panic. Why?"

Straightening to full height, Mr. Simons takes a seat in the chair nearest to Nell. "Think about it. What were the differences?" He watches as she contemplates the question.

Recounting the memories, "Callen said it before that night in the pub. Before I used myself as bait and Herrold said it to me." She looks up at the old man, "Sam said it after the pub. After the pub. And Sam was holding onto my arms. Just like he did that night. Before he said it, Herrold held onto my arms. That's why I panicked with Sam." Mr. Simons smiles at Nell before sitting back against his chair and nodding his head.

Nell settles back into her seat, "So I stayed. But, it wasn't long before he was trying to kiss me again." As if needing to clarify, she settles her gaze on Deeks. "Even though I went to all those parties. And I drank. I had never left with anyone. I never kissed anyone. Never got intimate…," she pauses as she picks at a spot on her fingernail before looking away and fixating on an imaginary spot on the wall, "I was still a virgin."

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Deeks feels like the air is being sucked out of the room. He knew she had been raped. That was something they all suspected before Herrold was even caught. There were too many things pointing in that direction for their assumptions to be wrong. But he hadn't considered that she may have been a virgin. Never even entered his mind. It takes everything he can to refocus on her voice as she begins speaking again.

"I wasn't interested in sleeping with anyone. I just wanted to enjoy myself. When I tried to leave that old frat house, he grabbed me. He was holding onto my wrists so tight and I couldn't get him to let go. It was like he was a completely different person. Like something had clicked." She takes a shaky breath and looks down at her hands before continuing, "He told me that I was going to enjoy what was coming. That I knew what he wanted as soon as I came into the house with him." Deeks watches as tears start to form in her eyes and he fights the urge to stop the whole process, "God, he talked the whole time. He made me take my dress off and he stood there holding onto my wrists looking at me." Nell lets out a shaky laugh, "He told me how pretty I was. How much I was going to enjoy myself. That it was going to be the best night of my life. He pulled me back over to the couch and told me to lie down." Mirroring her actions from all those years ago, she closes her eyes as the tears fall freely down her cheeks. "When he started taking his pants off, I closed my eyes. I didn't want to see him. But he yelled at me to open them. Told me I would want to remember everything about the night. He laid on top of me and…," The two men watch as she takes several shaky breathes before reaching up to wipe the tears from her face.

Nell pauses for a minute before she shifts her gaze to Mr. Simons, "I didn't fight him. I didn't say no. I just laid there." She looks away as she wraps her arms across her waist leaning forward slightly, "While he was raping me, he kept telling me that no one else would want me. He said that since I made him rape me I was damaged." A flash of recognition flits across her features as if she suddenly made another connection that had been eluding her, "He said if I ever tried to be with another man, the guy would push me away because he would what happened. He would know what I was."

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Nell flies out of the room before anyone can react. Her abrupt departure leaves Deeks and Mr. Simons scrambling out of the room in time to see Nate bolting out the door after what they presume is Nell. Locking eyes with the older man, "What the hell just happened?"


End file.
